tims blog

A secret place

2011-10-10T22:37:00.002+01:00

My favourite place is situated in quite a wide space. It is a secret place on the side of a cliff with a magnificent view of Cornish coastline. It is a protruding section of headland at the end of which you can climb down onto what appears to be an uncomfortable section of bare rock. There are though several ‘seats’ in the hard granite, which are made more comfortable by clumps of sea thrift on which I sit. The ledge is high up windswept and the breeze is often bracing and penetrating. On the wind the sea leaves its mark with the taste of salt, which gives substance to the sound of the waves dramatically pounding the muscle clad rocks below. Nesting herring gulls noisily circle overhead but settle once I stop moving around. The sun beats down on exposed skin in this vulnerable place. To the west of my south facing position is the open expanse of sea, and as I gaze out onto the horizon I imagine myself sailing the Atlantic across to America. In the foreground long lines are formed in the water, which break evenly into an off shore surfers swell. To the south of my position there are four or five giant stacks of eroded granite cliff sitting on the sand covered beach. These give the main focal point of interest and are framed by the sea, sky, and cliffs behind them. These monoliths dominate the landscape, but only because they have become separated from the mainland, do they become a focus of beauty. In the distance there is the grey of a sprawling town, where a famous hotel sits upright on the end of another headland as if to conquer the escaping land.

Once again I take in this view and count the features lost to sliding eroded cliffs year by year. The inscription I made years ago in the rock is hardly visible now but the scene lives on. A place where I feel I belong, where my spirit transcends material living and joins hands with greater significance. A place where the ‘me’ ‘myself’ and ‘I’ melt away eclipsed by the beauty of natural grandeur in all its glory, giving way to a sense of belonging, meaning and renewed purpose for a weary soul.

Goodbye Facebook

2011-04-01T14:57:00.001+01:00

GOODBYEEE...I’ve got serious ‘status updatitis’. Blackberry enabled FB status updates on the loo have finally killed the FB in me. So to all the bored housewives with tales of daily childcare, to all the church leaders who advertise their ‘must go to’ events, to all the frustrated unpublished theologians who proliferate their many many views, to all those who repeated their friend requests (did you not get that you’ve asked me before?), to all the people in the friend queue (I’m sorry), to all the people who were a sort-of-friend-once but never moved on, to the three people who wanted to be my friend but wouldn't speak to me in real life, to all the glamorous random Eastern Euro ladies (nice but why me?), to the hung over party people, to the gloomy Monday club and the happier Friday club, to the Sunday B&Q searchers, the sofaphilosophers, Saturday carwashers, to the weather obsessors, to the holiday gloaters and holiday photos (yes I looked and it made me feel naughty), to the horoscopers, to the catch phrase junkies, to the blog interlacers, and tweet-weavers, to those who quote others in talks as they hear them, to those with more friends than me (usually more Church enculturated = more friends), and to those with less friends than me (clearly not as popular (had to say it)), to the Chilean miner updaters, the BBC News readers, the middle east crisis observors, the good causers, the big eventers, the marathon runners, fun runners and swimathoners, the festival junkies and band PR people, to the ‘live abroads’ and ‘live aboards’, to the world savers, your lives exhaust me. I’m sorry I simply can’t do this anymore. I dislike. Also, who deletes accounts when we die? See you on the re-created FB, on Godbook, on the other side where we will all truly be friends. Goodbye the fearless.

Who let the cows out?

2009-09-17T23:12:00.002+01:00

Memories of Mozambique 08

The river runs through it...

2009-05-23T23:33:00.008+01:00

Just got back from a very happy fishing trip to Dartmoor. This was a first for me and I loved it. There were a couple of times standing in my waders mid river where all the concerns of life just simply melted away as my line passed through the air above my head. Fishing is really so much more than catching fish but catching fish is great. I caught my first fish on the river Teign, mid river as the fish were rising in the dappled light at around 5.3opm on 19th May with an Adams Irresitible dry fly. A wildy brown trout and a great and happy moment.

Oh the relief

2009-05-23T13:04:00.002+01:00

Garden

2009-05-12T22:56:00.004+01:00

Well part of the job of being alive in my view at least is to be as best a steward as possible of what weve been given. In that spirit Ive set about tackling the garden which has been neglected for some time.

Obviously, as you can see, there is little of interest in the garden and with little income and just over two years in this place it does not seem worthwhile investing in constructing the dream garden.

The house I live in used to be a farmhouse and I have heard that farming was mainly commercial horticulutre but they had some dairy too (i live in the dairy). Vegetables were grown from the house all the way down to the river and so the soil is apparently very good. Contributed to by silt that has been left by the river over the centuries. So I am going to grow veggies for the first time. This is a real cross over for me as I have always considered the veggie side of horticulture and those who proliferate it quite odd.

No doubt, needing a new obsession post marathon, I will be soon be banging on about my ginormous leeks and flawless carrots. Be warned.

Flora London Marathon Finisher

2009-04-27T14:11:00.003+01:00

...and I didnt walk (at all)

Ready to run

2009-04-23T19:18:00.005+01:00

For those of you who are unable to make it tomorrow to cheer me on I thought i would give you a little preview. Here I am sporting the fine Nehemiah race top equipped with race number for easy identification.

Today, being my final day of preparation, Im taking it easy getting my kit ready to go and going for one last very short run to keep loose.

The weather looks ideal for tomorrow... average temperature and a chance of nice refreshing showers (sorry support team!). http://www.metoffice.gov.uk/weather/uk/london.html.

Im pretty much as all consumed as you can get with all this. I will be glad to get to the finishing line for many reasons (and so will those closest to me!). It has been a long road of many runs to get here since I found out I had the place in mid December. This last 26.2 miles is just the final 5% of what Ive done since December to get to this point. So, when I cross the line it will be personally significant in many ways probably moreso than I realise right now.

A massive thank you for your support in whatever way that has been coming. I spoke to the Nehemiah people yesterday and they are very pleased about the £1,888 that you have donated so far. They are coming to cheer the 6 of us on at Jamaica Road and at the finish - apparently they make a lot of noise - so looking forward to that.

Please find out more about the Nehemiah and continue your support by following the link here to my Justgiving page.

http://www.justgiving.com/timslongrun or hit 'Donate!' at the top of this page. Thanks!

All Registered Up

2009-04-23T15:42:00.002+01:00

Its official! Im going to make it to the start line of the Flora London Marathon 2009!!
Yesterday I went to Excel to register for the race and I loved every minute of it. Ive got my number (47774), Ive registered for photos, I have my timing chip (which ties to my shoelaces) and I got a massage. That really hurt. My masseurse found a big knobbly bit in my right quad and pushed it out which made me squeel like a very small squeeky thing that squeels.
What a great time I had. Everything you could possibly want under one roof, if you are into trainers and running gadgets. Runners porn. Ive turned into a running geek. I got excited by everything.
Lucozade has a sports science clinic where i went and got advice for the race. They printed out a wrist band for me to wear which gives me my splits for the race and gace me carbs advice without pushing me too heavily towards their products.
Its now been 4 months training for this which I have done entirely on my own (except for some small runs in Galilee with a mate). I ran through each snow day we had and remember the long runs at 5.30am on a sunday morning! As my psychological training mantra reminds me 'I deserve to do well'! Its been a lonely experience and its quite weird beginning to share it all with, what 36,000 other people? There are actually other people running it too!? Its almost a surprise. Starting to talk to people and hear their experiences at this stage means that I am finding myself emerging into something that is far bigger than me. Ive done my small bit but the combined effort on Sunday I am almost already overwhelmed by.
Im planning to go back tomorrow to get my leg bashed in again and my shirt printed with my name on it so that spectators can shout out encouragement to me.

Please support my effort and the Nehemiah Project on http://www.justgiving.com/timslongrun or hit 'donate' on the right hand side of this page...thanks!

Six days to Go and still OCD

2009-04-20T14:49:00.003+01:00

Well Marathon Day is getting very near now and I am getting very excited about it. The injury to my left shin in the tendon and right hip have repaired themselves and I missed little of my training because of it. Lots of ice elevation and deep heat at critical moments did the trick. Also thanks to a new massage tool called a quadballer, I use on my quads which is agonising but good...I think.

During my injury phase I remembered that i read somewhere that injuries can come from using old trainers. I hadn't considered the possibility that my trainers were knackered as I had only bought them at the beginning of my training regime in December. They have a recommended mileage of 400miles. Once I worked out that I had actually run 370 miles since Decemebr 16th I thought a change was in order. So last week I got a new pair and they have helped considerably whether that be physically or psychologically.

Ive just had a very theraputic few days on the south coast running up and down the seafront which has been like a holiday!

Yesterday, I ran a leisurly 10k to Hammersmith Bridge and back and had to fight to hold myself from running too hard. Its all about tapering off the training this week with little to do but keep loose and shove carbs down my neck. So, I have a new relationship with pasta.

So people say what will I do with myself next week? Well I dont know really. Ive become totally absorbed by the marathon. It consumes my every moment. Being round me must be so dull as I am even starting to bore myself talking about it. Even someone who reads my blog says its become rather boring. Well this is the thing. Marathon running is more than just the run. The run itself is the end result of months of intense training, thinking, talking and fundraising. It has almost become a job in itself. A lot of what marathon training is about is pain and boredom and overcoming them whether that be on the long run or at critical testing points over the 4 months. Its become about keeping going. Its not enough just to simply set your routes and your regime and stay on the same track in the hope that you will perform on the day. Obstacles are thrown in just to give the process more interest. Ive overcome a serious flu bug which stopped my training for 10 days (and I still feel the effects of now) and a painful injury to my shin plus all the psychological problems associated with that. I even considered pulling out 10 days ago because of the leg problems.

Its been a marathon effort in all ways. The fundraising too is an administative commitment far greater than I had imagined. Thanks to you I have now raised 70% of my commitment to Nehemiah which is very much appreciated by me and by the guys who will benefit at the Project. Please visit http://justgiving.com/timslongrun for more information.

I will be posting and emailing all this week with details like where to watch (if you can make it) and how to track my progress. My number is 47774. A lucky number for those who may be into fruit machines and a biblical number for those who are into the bible. Im just just chuffed because I like tidy numbers.

Open Letter

2009-04-10T13:14:00.001+01:00

Dear friends near and far,

Hello! Having first written to you in January, I now want to give you an update on my progress and training regime for my first London Marathon.

I am currently in my 14th week of intense training (just totted up 376 miles!) with just under three weeks to go until the big day on Sunday 26th April! I’ve overcome a severe flu virus (four days in bed and another five dribbling at daytime tv!) and am now back on track – having recently run for three hours nonstop – my furthest so far. I am feeling tired and am nursing some sore limbs, but I am also getting excited about the reality of the Marathon as the big day approaches.

As I train, I am continually amazed at my newly found ability to run! I would never have imagined this was possible 18 months ago. I want to highlight and celebrate these changes by completing the London Marathon – it will be a real achievement for me!

I am so pleased that I am running to raise money for the Nehemiah Project – a charity that also works to bring about profound transformations. They work specifically with men who are addicted to drugs and alcohol, offering hope of a new life and way of being. These men have nowhere else to turn and the Nehemiah Project boasts an amazing 75% success rate. You can read more about their inspiring work at www.nehemiahproject.org.uk

I began my fundraising in January, at the same time that I started training, and so far I have raised 45% of my target amount (which is £2500). It’s now countdown time until DDay and I would really appreciate your support as I take on this huge (and exciting!) challenge.

Please visit http://www.justgiving.com/timslongrun and donate towards this fantastic cause. You will be helping to change the lives of those whose addictions have spiralled out of control, bringing hope to those in seemingly hopeless situations.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please watch out for me on the big day – my race number is 47774. The Marathon starts at 9am and you can watch it live on BBC1!

As ever, your friend Tim

Training Update - 5 weeks to Go

2009-03-24T13:22:00.006Z

So, Ive now been back on it for nearly two weeks and its been a real struggle.
The programme has proved quite demanding considering the flu and the 9 days off running I took. So Ive been trying to do as much of it as I can whilst listening to my body and trying not to push it too hard. The fear being that I could go down with flu again.
I think though that now I am clear of that and had a massive psychological breakthrough by achieving two milestones. Firstly I am apparemtly back up to speed with the programme and secondly that I ran the furthest and longest I have ever run. On sunday I ran continuously from 5.30am for three hours and completed 20.4 miles. The programme allows for one long run a week with about 4 shorter 5-10k's during the week. In the next 5 weeks or so I will only have to run two more times longer than that. Once in two weeks a 200 minute run and then of course the big day itself. So despite the time off Im hoping that I am now up to speed and on target to be a marathon completer on the 26th April!

Thanks to everyone so far who has supported me financially to help the Nehemiah Project.
If you still want to help out in that way then I encourage you to do just that at http://justgiving.com/timslongrun or click on 'Donate' top right of this page.

THANK YOU!

Training lull

2009-03-10T18:56:00.003Z

Here is to let you know the latest in my bid to run the London Marathon on 26th April. Training was going so very well until about 10 days ago when I was hit hard by flu. I took to my bed on Sat 28th and didn't appear until four days later, and have been unable to do anything except dribble at daytime tv ever since. Although I still don't feel great I took the risk to run today in an attempt to sweat the rest of it out. I did a slow 5k run, having done nothing for 10 days, and so far so good - it will be interesting to see how I feel tomorrow morning.

So I have seven weeks to go until the big day and Im 10 days behind on my training. Hopefully once I get back to running it won't be too long before I get back to normal. Encouragingly, many have said to me that it is normal to be hit by flu during the training period.

Training Progress

2009-02-17T23:59:00.007Z

This is an attempt at an update on my training for the London Marathon.

I am now in my 7th week of training with 10 weeks to go til the big day. I have made a massive improvement since my last recorded training entry in the New Year. Whilst wintering down in frosty Bournemouth I took it upon myself to run 8 miles from Mudeford to Bournemouth pier and then back to Mudeford ( see the results below). Seven weeks into my official training since then I have just run 16 miles along the Thames from my home in Fulham to just beyond Kew Gardens and back. It took me the 2 hours and fifteen minutes that was required and I did it with a Camelbak water resevoir on my back and a picnic of dates and food gel with me to keep me going. That means that I ran each mile at an average of 8.43 minutes per mile running at an average speed of 7.44 mph. This adds a whole 1 mph to my average speed.

It must be my new Nike shorts with go faster stripes.

If you haven't already please hit the link to JustGiving on the right hand side of the page and sponsor me to run as I do so for the Nehemiah Project. A project that helps men who often have noone else to turn to overcome their addictions. They have a staggering 70% success rate. THANK YOU!!

Holy Land

2009-01-30T18:51:00.006Z

So Ive been away for a week to Israel..

Sixteen Weeks to go

2009-01-05T16:20:00.002Z

Today I begin the 16 week countdown to the London marathon. I celebrated this with a 16 mile return run yesterday from Mudeford to Bournemouth pier which has probably set me back as I feel a bit weary. Still, it was interetsting to find out what I can currently cope with. I averaged 9.3 minutes per mile and at one stage Im sure I went to sleep for about half an hour (a bit like a cow but moving at 6.4 miles per hour).

Club tie

2008-12-23T12:01:00.009Z

On Thursday evening I was invited to go for dinner at the RAC club in Pall Mall. A place that is well known to me as I have often been there. I approached from St James's tube side and crossed the park engrossed in conversation with a friend via cellular telephone. At the steps of the club my friend asked me if I was wearing a tie? Well on this occasion I wasn't and it shocked me to think that I had forgotten that the RAC requires a tie (the rule is ties required on weekdays). So, knowing that they normally have some spares behind reception for dumbos like me I hastily climbed the steps towards the front door where I apologised to the rather dour doorman for my nakedness. He directed me towards the young Pole at reception who duly fetched me a club tie which I noticed had a few splodges on it. I was so preoccupied with my need for necktie and also being slightly late that I hardly noticed that they had seemed to have done a bit of refurb in reception since my last visit. So, spotting a door declaring 'Gentlemen' I shot off to apply my borrowed neck garment to my now ill fitting clown shirt. My neck size has reduced considerably over the last year and my shirts are starting to look a bit ridiculous. The lavatorial facilities are second to none at a London club. Whereas I would normally try and get in and out of one as quickly as possible these kind almost invite you to linger. Its the extras like towels piled up, full length mirrors, exotic soap, clothes brushes and shoe shining facilities. No skipping over puddles of piss in these places. So, after a lengthy self groom making full use of the treats (its never advisable to be late, and in a mess) I exited back into the lobby looking out for my host. He usually waits somewhere strategic in the lobby and normally shouts loudly at you across many people when he spots you looking around nervously (waiting for the shout). There is a feeling at this point that reminds me of the first day at school. Mummy has gone, you are 'green' and a new boy feeling rather uncomfortable in a new tie in this vast unfamiliar building, with slightly camp men shouting at you. But the shout did not come and then looking around I realised that I may very well be in the wrong club. Thats when I noticed that I had been so busy with my phone call and necktie issue that I'd climbed the wrong steps and been admitted into the wrong club. At this point I was feeling a bit sheepish because I had only ten minutes ago loudly announced to the whole lobby that I was tieless and now I didnt have a host. I had to make a decision. I decided to calmly move (with a look of expectation) back towards the front door and out into the street to 'see whether my host might be waiting outside rather than in'. The dour doorman duly helped me exit and after a few moments pacing up and down the pavement and when I thought he would be distracted letting people in, moved quickly away towards the correct building two doors up.

So I arrived at the RAC and was, as expected, shouted at on entering, and heading towards the Long Bar with my host felt rather content that even though I was ten minutes late I was feeling well groomed, relaxed and sporting a rather nice necktie courtesy of the Oxford and Cambridge club.

One way love

2008-12-20T23:28:00.004Z

Im taking a risk tomorrow. My passage is Isaiah 52:13 - 53:12 and if I was doing an exegetical preach I would be saying a lot about suffering as the song is about the suffering servant. Isaiah foretells of the person who would rescue Israel out of Babylon and bring salvation. The New Testament points to this passage as foretelling the birth, life, suffering, death and hope of Jesus, the promised Messiah. However, Im avoiding an in depth look at that, as we have already looked at it three times in this series on the four servant songs. Instead in teh run up to Christmas Im going to speak of how Jesus is the ultimate act of Gods grace to us. Grace is something I find difficult to fully appreciate. Understanding grace I think often reflects our experiences in life of primary relationships and their success or not. Here is a definition of grace which I am using tomorrow and which I found useful.

“What is grace? Grace is love that seeks you out when you have nothing to give in return.
Grace is love coming at you that has nothing to do with you.
Grace is being loved when you are unlovable.
It is being loved when you are opposite of loveable.
Grace is a love that has nothing to do with you, the beloved. It has everything and only to do with the lover. Grace is irrational in the sense that it has nothing to do with weights and measures. Grace has nothing to do with intrinsic qualities or so called ‘gifts’ (whatever they may be). Grace reflects a decision on the part of the giver, the one who loves in relation to the receiver, the one who is loved, that negates any qualifications the receiver may personally hold.

The one way love of grace is the essence of any lasting transformation”.

So, think about times or moments of happiness you have had. It is almost always the result of something received from someone else.

“Grace is one way love….One way love lifts up. One way love cures. One way love transforms. It is the change agent of life” (Zahl: grace in practice).

Nice.

Life at Forty

2008-12-17T12:06:00.001Z

The London Marathon

2008-12-15T13:02:00.005Z

I am very pleased to announce that I shall be running the London Marathon on 26th April 2009. I shall be running in a Golden Bond place for the Nehemiah Project which I have had some contact with over the years.

Nehemiah is a small rehab community in Streatham which aims to give a second chance to those from difficult backgrounds by getting to the root causes of their addictions and eradicating them completely. Remarkably it has a 72% success rate.

Truffle Hunters

2008-10-18T19:18:00.004+01:00

I would recommend spending some time at Borough Market. It is a fascinating place full of people, great food, great smells and vibrant life. Its how shopping was always supposed to be. I enjoyed these ladies magnetised by the chocolate truffle display.

and time marches on...

2008-10-14T16:58:00.002+01:00

It seems to be a season for sobering 'age type' thoughts...like this one...

The end of the Falklands War is further away to a 0-3 year old now, than the Second World War was to me the year I was born.

Chuwanga, Lakeshore, Mozambique

2008-09-30T14:55:00.005+01:00

We stayed on this most beautiful and unspoilt beach on the best side of Lake Niassa (which means lake). So we were effectively staying on the shore of Lake Lake .

My hut being the one furthest to the left

Breakfast on the first day

Cows and kids on the beach

Maternity Clinics in Messumba

2008-09-30T14:24:00.011+01:00

I have been asked by a church in Harrow to share a story about some maternity buildings that we visited in Messumba on the Lakeshore in Niassa Mozambique. They helped finance the buildings in a remarkable story of corperate tything. The church needed a new roof which cost them £300,000 and they tythed 10% of that which went towards these new clinics in Moz. I had forgoten but we witnessed a little miracle when going round the clinics as follows...

St Bartholomews Cathedral in Messumba. Part of a complex of original mission station buldings destroyed by civil war.

"Part of our role was to spend time seeking God and praying for people as we went about from village to village along the Lakeshore. Up at the cathedral in Messumba we were invited to go and see the new clinic buildings that St Andrews had financed. We were being followed everywhere by the school children from the nearby school. Although the buildings are very new we found two women in the maternity unit there. One was a new mother for the first time aged about 16 and had given birth that morning and the other was about to give birth. We asked whether we could pray for them and they and their friends and families agreed. In asking what they would like prayer for, the new (first time) mother explained that although it was mid afternoon her baby (born at 9am that morning) had not cried yet. We prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to minister to her and the baby and the baby immediately began to cry! But the cry did not sound good. The baby sounded anxious and in distress.

Part of the new clinic complex of £30,000 buildings next to the cathedral where we followed by loads of school children.

Fortunately, we had a doctor on the team who then noticed that the girl was struggling to feed the baby and in the absence of the nurse (who had apparently left that morning to go to the villages) noone had taught her how or when to feed. So it therefore transpired that the girl had not yet fed the baby at all since its birth because the family had wrongly believed that you should not feed a newborn baby until it cries out. So 8 hours later we were witnessing the girl trying to feed her baby for the first time. Di Hewitson our doctor tried to help her. But the baby was distressed and very dehydrated and was unable to summon the strength to suck. So Di, with eth Bishop Mark translating taught the girl and her mother to spoon feed the baby until it could suck properly. We prayed again and left them. As we left Di said that she did not hold out much hope for the baby because it was in such a bad way and that it would probably not last the day.

New Maternirty Unit and Helen Van Kouvering the Bishops wife.

However, we were told a day or so later by Helen that the baby had made it through and was alive and well for which we thanked God!! We thought afterwards that had the clinics not been there then we may have never come across that girl and her newborn who would have almost certainly have died. Praise God!

Window on my Monday morning thoughts...

2008-09-29T11:06:00.006+01:00

'I got fired'... Over the weekend I edited my last offering 'back down to earth' after hanging with a friend who tore out from his Spectator an article by Toby Young for me to read. The journalist was explaining how he was able to give advice from his experience to his next door neighbour who had just lost his job at the Lehman Brothers. It was very funny and the advice given was when you go for a new job after being fired say simply that you were fired. To try and explain just makes you look weak. Love it.

Ive been thinking about how every time we open our mouths we give our selves away. So what comes out of it needs editing as much as, for example the written word. Incidently, Ive noticed that people who write are more often than not very careful about what they say. Adversely it is true the other way that when others speak to us they are giving themselves away moreso than we normally have time to take in. Counsellors know this and as a vicar it is very interesting what people choose say to you and Im often left bewildered by what they say or comment on.

Whilst sitting in my local 'walk in' NHS clinic waiting for my 5 Star (Full MOT as Doc described it) blood test this morning I had two thoughts. Firstly I laughed. I was simply struck by how funny everyday life and everey day people can be. I watched as a middle aged man rushed into the clinic with an armful of toys. I havent quite nailed why I found him funny but he was. I turned away for a second to read the notice board, as one does in these places, in order to find out that the clinic will be closed on Tuesday 12th August. As I turned back though the man appeared again rushing in, in a very important 'time waits for no man manner', doing the exact same thing again with what looked like the same urgent toy delivery. Becuase I hadnt seen him leave the first time, it was funnier second time. The third time was still funny but not quite so funny....I didnt have time for a fourth because I was called in to have my blood taken.

That brings me onto my next thought. I really feel that there is a problem with trade descriptions in the NHS. It really wasnt a blood test I was going for but to have my blood taken. They took my blood. The rather camp nurse man called Lance aksed me if I had a busy day ahead as he took my blood. Not knowing what to reply I said that Monday was a bit quieter for me as Sunday is a busy day.... 'as I um am a um a mmmm a vicar'. I knew I shouldnt have said it as the NHS love a vicar but I think I made Lance's morning. He immediately cheered up. And so did his trainee assistant, a rather portly but cheerful young west indian lady who copped a feel of my veins at his invitation. Then Lance said quite an extraordinanry thing.
'Oh a vicar! I wonder how much I could get for vicar blood on the internet - you know those occultist websites? They would love a bit of vicar blood!' As it turned out he is a lapsed Roman Catholic.

I had many thoughts but I will share only one more. Back in the 'waiting zone' I noticed that I was the only representative of a younger version of the human species. No bad thing at 39. Maybe thats why I like hanging out around the NHS - it makes you feel good about oneself - sort of smug? So there were old people, amateurish ill people, professionally ill people (a bit like church) and generally more women than men. Then I noticed another thing going on. It was hard not to. The waiting zone faced the open front door on the right. Every now and then, and in between middle aged men rushing in with toys, an occasional reasonably to very attractive girl would stride in, also in a very fast manner, eyes straight ahead walk straight past the WZ, ignoring the front desk and disappearing into the gloom beyond. I didnt think much of it at first and just thought how nice it was to be in a part of town which meant there were lots of very pretty women to admire. Then one of these girls (and I counted maybe 5 or 6 in 10 minutes) got confused about directions and had to stop at the reception desk to get advice. This is great because everyone in the waiting zone was going to get to hear the advice. This was because there was another rather portly lady (an NHS speciality) behind the counter giving quite sensitive advice loudly. A hush came over the zone as we all tuned in. The girl in question was seeking the family planing department. It was then that the penny dropped for me. It was Monday morning and there was a regular stream of good looking girls rushing in to the walk in clinic eyes straight ahead, heading for family planning. It did briefly occur to me that family planning should be called something else but then I couldnt think of what it should be called so dropped it.
It was a start to the week that was quite new to me.

Back down to earth...

2008-09-27T22:52:00.000+01:00

I am generally very happy to back from Mozambique. I feel that I am able to settle for a while and focus on my new job. Though I had a very surprising day last Monday when I was sent on a days training as part of my Post Ordination Training (or potty training as its known). Its not often that I have one of those surreal moments of liminality but on Monday I had a profound moment.

The training I was receiving was at St Barnabus in Kensington. It was about how to have a rest or as we like to call it in Christian circles, about retreats. Having a retreat is a way of having an extra holiday but instead of sitting on the beach in Morecombe you have to go to a monastry in somewhere like Wales and silently go round looking pensive and miserable for a week or two. It seems to be for very busy people who don't normally have time for God, like stressed vicars. So we were learning about 'retreats'. There are different kinds of retreats and there is apparently one type of retreat called a 'creative retreat'. We spent the morning learning about being creative and I found myself paint brush in hand with a bunch of people I had just met. With squeezy paints and safety scissors we carefully constructed a communal picture and word collage expressing our emotional response to the reading of a story from the bible. Thinking now, I do not think Ive held a paint brush since primary education. And evidently it showed, I was picking up where I left off. But I enjoyed learning about the spirituality of deep play.
All in all, it was quite a surreal morning.

What made it more surreal was the moment of liminal reckoning that I had.
When we all sat down to collectively reflect on our paintings and drawings I chose to 'open up' and 'share' with the group my thoughts as follows.

In September 2005 just before i went to Wycliffe Hall (theological college) I was landscaping (being in the landscape trade) a garden just behind St Barnabus for a very demanding client... omestic'the contract value being in the region of £120,000, so a fairly large job for a 'domestic' (I see that one of the trees we planted is now dead). My thoughts were that if anyone had told me in 2005 that in exactly three years time I would be painting pictures with squeezy kiddy paint in the church next door on a monday morning, as my job, I would have probably thought they were having a laugh. I told our trainer this but the point seemed lost on her. She seemed more interested in my horticultural heritage and said how wonderful she thought it would be to pursue that when on a 'garden retreat'.

Interestingly, and on that point, Ive been on what the CofE has described to me as 'gardening leave' for the first six months of this year. I know I slightly digress but the thought of anymore or anything to do with gardens fills me with absolute dread. As i have found to my cost, the 'CofE cooler' of gardening leave is a catholic place. What I mean is that its a bit like pergatory, somewhere between life and death.

Basically I was fired.

So, the CofE is similar in my experience it completely turns it back on you for 6 months and if you come out the other side simply gibbering at least some form of an intelligable language then they give you another job. I suspect that they would rather hope that you just disappear from them somehow. With nowhere else to go I held on and did the gibbering thing and got another job.

Anyway, when I debriefed my vicar about my 'day away' from the parish he just looked at me in disbelief.

I though was quietly amused. I was especially amused by the me that was then, looking at the me that is now. That for me was like a little treat, a retreat maybe which, like change, is as good as a rest.

turning...vietnamese?

2008-09-20T12:36:00.000+01:00

Mozambique - Back from the Bush

2008-09-03T20:05:00.005+01:00

Well I have lots to report. The Joburg connection was late so I slept in Madrid airport overnight - therefore not so keen on it as I was in last post - ie very hard floor. I got to Joburg and hooked up with Anne and John who whisked me off to Rosebank Baptist church for evensong. Back to theirs for braii then early morning run (7K) and very out of breath with altitude (1400M?). Met with team for exhilirating flight intiny plane across to Beira on pacific ocean for passport control, then on up to Lichinga where we were met by the Van Kouverings. The next morning we packed up and headed for the lakeshore about 2 hours drive away.

Wow! What a place we arrived at! We stayed in timber huts on the lakeshore which were basic but literally on the beach 20 yards from fresh water lake with perfect swimming temperature.
Mission wise we have basically spent a week touring the villages of the lakeshore in almost biblical fashion going from village to village. Teaching has been mostly on prayer and how we are empowered by it in the name of Jesus to defeat evil. Dark spiritual forces are an everyday reality for the lakeshoe people as they live in fear of witch doctors and those who consult the spirits. And that is the church I am talking about. There is seemingly no or little teaching on spriirtual warfare and so we have been doing quite a lot of it.

In one church in Chuwanga the congregation has been living in fear of dark spiritual forces. We were not told this story until just before we spoke there. In recent history a child was lost on the lake from the village - the wind changes very quickly on the lake and can be fatal. The local people thought that the spirits were angry with the village so summoned a witch doctor from Malawi (across the lake) in order to find out who was responsible in the community. The witchcdoctor came and pointed the finger at two men in the church. One of them we found out days later was the brother of another local priest not living far away. A lynch mob then took the two men up to some caves above the village and stoned them to death. The story in the community is taboo and we were told that the community would be embarrased if we knew. Our teaching was basically preprepared. We were to teach on prayer that proactively engages in spirtual warfare. It is familiar biblical teaching using a model that encourages people to be interdependent on Jesus through prayer in order to be in personal relationship with him. In order to come close to Jesus we need to take responsibility for ourselves, for our own spiritual brokeness and to confess of it in prayer. Both individually and corporately we are then enabled through prayer to break cycles of brokeness and spiritual insignificance. We simplified a familiar biblical prayer model to three stages within one prayer. A prayer that incorporates Repentence, a recognitioon and turning away of sin, of Rebuking that sin and committing it to Jesus and of Replacing that sin with the opposite. Then we would encourage people to continue in this fashion and commit to breaking patterns of broken behaviour. We had this paticular congregation repenting for fear of withcraft and marching round the church in warrior like fashion in order to spiritually and almost ritually clense the church from the power of the deaths. One lady told us that she had never known that she was able to pray in this way and she had been an Anglican all her life. We felt that by teaching this model of prayer we were giving them the tools that they needed to fight back against the very real presence of evil both spiritually and practically. We equipped them. They were evidently empowered. And then we taught the pastors too who say the same thing. A pratical spiritual solution to a real spiritual oppression. This in itself has made the trip worthwhile for me. We taught the same teaching every where we went using a very effective drama and songs.

The area itself is almost biblical and there have been many comparisons made to Galilee. People living in mud houses with thatched roofs and with no electrictity. One community we were only able to reach by 3 hour boat journey. Its been a real adventure. We have witnessed extreme poverty and oppression but have been graced with generosity, love and the warmest of welcomes.

I have separated from the team briefly and having left them in Lichinga teaching the pastors. I took a shappa minibus at 5am this morning and am visiting missionary friends in the hotter (35 degrees) southern climes of Cuamba 6 hours away. I am here for 24 hours then returning Friday morning first thing. It is unlikely I will get another chance to post until I return to the UK when I will upload some photos of this extraordinary trip.

Thanks again to those who have helped both prayerfully and practically.

Sunset in Madrid

2008-08-23T20:34:00.002+01:00

Ola, I arrive safely in Madrid on my first leg of my journey and am enjoying the awesome airport they have here. Such a contrast to grotty old Terminal 2 c.1979 Heathrow! 30 degrees outside but airconditioned in here. Bus transfer to terminal walk straight and welcomed myself with a Starbucks coffee.

I am so excited about this trip and am really looking forward to meeting the rest of the team. Another 3 hours or so to wait until the flight to Joburg which arrives at OR Thambo tomorrow morning at 11.30 am. Adios.

Leaving for Mozambique 23.8.8

2008-08-23T10:55:00.005+01:00

Heres to say goodbye and to say a massive thanks to those who have helped me raise my original target for the trip. I have been so encouraged by the responses Ive had and particularly by the timing of peoples interest and help. So thanks!

I fly to Madrid today, fly overnight to SA and stay Sunday night with the group leaders sister somewhere in Joburg. I then meet up with the team from Cape Town at Lanseria airport on Monday morning at 8.15am and we take a small plane (pictured below) from there to Lichinga going via Polokwane (North SA) and Beira (Moz) arriving in Lichinga early evening.

We then go north again to the lakeshore (Lake Niassa (or Malawi)) to the communities of Messumba and Chuanga for a week and minister there.

The second week we return to Lichinga for a conference and hopefully some time to visit some projects and organisations. Im particularly interested to see the YWAM base there and the base there for Iris Ministries (following my 06 visit to Iris in Maputo).

I am also strongly hoping to see Steven and Jo Wheatley my friends from St Marys Maidenhead days who have been missionaries in Mozambique for many years and are based in Cuamba. However they are 5 hours drive away so this could be tricky. Please pray that the MAF pilot (who stays with us) needs to go there for some reason so I can hitch a lift!

Ive had some awesome answers to prayer with regards to finance and Ive reached my original target!! If you do praying, please would you pray for my confidence in speaking and for knowing what to say, and for being able to adapt quickly to peoples needs so that I can speak into their expectations.

http://www.justgiving.com/timmcgowan

Mozambique August 08

2008-08-12T23:01:00.019+01:00

Mission Aviation Fellowship (MAF) aeroplane we are taking from Joburg to Lichinga in Niassa Mozambique.

I am going to Mozambique for a couple of weeks soon.

I was originally invited to go and visit by the wife of a bishop in the northern province in 2006 when I met her in Joburg. I went to Maputo to visit Iris Ministries but was unable to go up north at that time.
I recently shared a lift in a car in London with a woman who is going on a mission trip with Christ Church Kenilworth in Cape Town to visit the same diocese and bishops wife whom I met. So I thought that I should go too. Never one to ignore a coincidence like that.

Double click to enlarge

I also have another friend who works as a missionary in Cuamba about 5 hours drive from where I am going and i am hoping to see him too whilst there.

We are going to encourage the churches on the lakeshore (see Niassa province in yellow, north of Lichinga) and to support and build up the leaders there. Our teaching will particularly focus on the power of committed and proactive prayer. The emphasis will be on the fact that we can all do it and we do not need to be anyone or anything special in order to hear and pray. The areas we are visiting are remote and the people there are expectant of our visit.

If you would like to support me please visit http://www.justgiving.com/timmcgowan.

Kennedy 1925-1968

2008-06-06T00:01:00.000+01:00

'Few men are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change'.

Robert F. Kennedy, in a speech in Capetown, South Africa, June 6, 1966. Today is the 40th anniversary of his assassination.

The OC

2008-06-02T18:05:00.002+01:00

"Nature to a saint is sacramental. If we are children of God, we have a tremendous treasure in Nature. In every wind that blows, in every night and day of the year, in every sign of the sky, in every blossoming and in every withering of the earth, there is a real coming of God to us if we simply use our starved imagination to realise it".

Im researching my sermon for next Sunday on using the imagination in prayer and found this by Oswald Chambers on our imagination which i thought rather complimented my last offering some hours ago.

Early English Summer

2008-06-02T16:55:00.004+01:00

We often rely on poetry which seeks to contain, summarise or describe that certain feeling or emotion we have towards something or someone. I would be very interested in hearing of any English poetry that can describe this about an early English summer. There is, of course no such thing found anywhere else in the world.

The feeling that I recognise is one of complete atonement with the earth, with nature. It is brought on by a combination of seasonal charactersitics which I will here try to describe. They are new green leaves of the trees, fresh wet vibrant grass, the hours after a rain storm, flowering tree flowers fallen to the ground, slippery ground underfoot, freshness in the air after the intensity of the pre rain high pressure and humidity, the smell of damp blossom and wild flowers, black menacing clouds still patrolling the sky, and early evening sunshine breaking through.

There is something quite special about this time that reminds me of school and aborted early summer cricket matches and roaming the meadows of Mill Mead and the lanes of Preshute. On one such evening recently instead of rushing home from town I ascended a slippery path up to St Marys which peaks Harrow on the Hill. It wasnt a wasted trip. I found a spot dedicated to Lord Byron who went to Harrow School (which also summits the top of the Hill), where he used to sit and gaze across Middlesex. I went into St Marys and prayed with gratitude for 'one of those moments'. Maybe I finally saw a little something of what John Betjeman experienced and describes in his poem 'Middlesex' (see previous post). Only in England can you get an early English summer, green, wet and very reassuring. And so not only when the sun shines but an English summer is incomparable anywhere else on this earth.

Fruit Loaf

2008-06-02T16:39:00.003+01:00

My new favourite thing which compliments my afternoon cup of tea is Fruity Malt Loaf. I recommend the application of a little Blueberry Jam to a slice just to give it a little extra kick.

One moment in time...

2008-06-01T22:11:00.006+01:00

I attended the evening service of my new church today and the organist ended the service with a classic...One Moment in Time by Whitney Houston... we tried to sing along but there were no lyrics for us to sing along to on the screen... so ive copied the chorus here....

"Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free

Next time we will know what to sing ...breathtaking
just thought id share that...

Awesome

2008-05-31T12:34:00.006+01:00

"For his book on religion and rock, Steve Turner took his title from Bruce Springsteen's song 'Hungry for Heaven'. Turners thesis is that the restlessness expressed in rock music and usually focussed on human relationships is the same restlessness that Augustine speaks of, one which reaches out further than it realises. The live version of 'Hungry Heart' on Springsteen's retrospective compilation of live performenaces shows why music is a live business: he leaves the audience quite alone to do the singing at the beginning. (A gig is somewhat like church: people know why they are there, it is a communal event, they know the words, and they dont need to be told the page number).
Sprinsteen sings the story of someone who has kept seeking the fulfilment of his hearts longing and in the course of doing that has gone in for a few betrayals but never finds a place to rest, a home.
'Everybody's got a hungry heart'."

Goldingay in 'To the Usual Suspects' On Love p133

Mr Bruce Frederick Joseph Springsteen (The Boss)

2008-05-30T11:48:00.005+01:00

In the spirit of planning ahead with the hope that there would be someone around worthy enough to treat to seeing the Boss I bought 4 tickets back in January for tonights performance at the Emirates stadium. Two of the tickets I bought for a mate who decided to go on holiday this week so he very kindly steered them back to me. Now being slightly pants in the organisataional department I have done nothing about asking anybody along until this morning. Ive been kind of seeing it as a chance to surprise 3 people as i have been blessed with the extra two tickets- but of course it has to be the right people. Ive now got three very pleased people on board. I blog this because Ive been wanting to see Bruce for years so im really very excited and hope that he plays some of his Born in the USA stuff. This takes me back to my teens and dancing in my bedsit at school with girlfriend to Dancing in the Dark (quite cheesily). I was into punk at the time and had my image to think about so kept my interest in the Boss secret. Its kind of one of those 'things you gotta do before youre 40' moments. Part of this years 40th celebrations.

One of the guys that is coming toured with Bruce in the 80's helping out with the big screens in 1986 - he says its an experience not to be missed.

Positive responses to violence in ZA

2008-05-29T17:00:00.003+01:00

With all the news coverage of violence and a slight; and I would underline slight comparison being made with apartheid violence in the townships its great to read of the cool stuff that is happening too. I read this morning from the sagoodnews website courtesy of an amazing girl passionate for justice called Cori who has a blog.

I hear also via myface that there is a protest for peace thing going on in Durban as well.

Creepy Crawlies

2008-05-27T15:24:00.002+01:00

Apparently, the average human eats 8 spiders in his/her life while sleeping.

Check out this spider farm. Halorates ksenius

The church in Africa

2008-05-27T15:15:00.002+01:00

"There are plenty of reasons to criticize the Church. Too often the Church has been the reason people have turned their backs on God, thinking that the Christian faith has nothing to offer them. This state of affairs is sadly true. It's also true, however, that when the Church opens its doors to the poor and the marginalized, God surprises us by turning the Church into the Good Samaritan who responds to the needs of the other with all the resources of God's Kingdom: faith, hope, and love."
René Padilla, "Viñetas de una Iglesia Sierva." Misión Magazine #62

Although true of the church in Africa, I would suggest that the church would have a lot more respect in this country if the church did more of the latter and less of the former. Just a thought. Another way that Africa helps us and shows us the way.

Petrol Prices

2008-05-25T21:10:00.001+01:00

Want to find the cheapest petrol in your area updated every few days or so? Click here.

My amazing dentist

2008-05-24T22:19:00.005+01:00

My dentist was explaining to me that he is from a sikh and hindu family background. As i was on my back wide mouthed, nervous and vulnerable he was telling me he was recently Godfather to a friends child in an Anglican church baptism service. When I enquired as to how he got on with the question 'do you turn to Christ?' the extraction of my wisdom tooth suddenly became a matter of great urgency for him and our conversation was sadly cut short. He did a very professional job.

Tomorrow I am carrying out my first ever baptism. I am baptising my nephew Joshua into the body of Christ as his Godfather. My brother will be baptising Joshua's twin brother, his son Tom at the same time. Two elder male McGowans initiating the latest two male McGowans into the Christian faith.
You can keep your other religions, Christianity rocks.

Acts 1 verse 4 is cheaper and more dignified?

2008-05-24T20:31:00.009+01:00

I had a good time in Dudley the other night and yes I think something happened when I was prayed for but I am starting to feel uncomfortable about all the Lakeland hype. Not so much about the Lakeland outpouring but about the interest it is sparking here.

I really want to get excited and really want to go and see for myself to Florida but quite frankly I am feeling a bit tired and exhausted by it all. The question is although I understand that there is a biblical justification for 'go getting some', does Jesus really need us to go to Dudley or even to Florida to believe? I must admit I do go through stages of excitement but then stages of questioning (probably like most people who are interested in all this). This is a moment of questioning for me. Im not doubting that there is something of great significance going on in Lakeland, there clearly is but is it about us and if it is why is it so slow to take off here?

Ive spent this afternoon around quite a few church leaders who were talking about it all and some even considering trips to Florida. Now, dont get me wrong, I would probably go if someone offered me a grand to go - however i do have questions. For example, does Jesus really need us to blow a grand (at least) and leave our work for a 'bless me up' jolly in Florida, and for what exactly? To bring back....what? an impartation? a whammy? Well if its about a demonstration of faith come and see me I will bless you up as I got it off Trev Baker. I will, say, only charge you £500 for the privilege and you can be back in your parish the same afternoon doing the thing that you are called to be doing. Leading a church / running a parish.

My point is we follow and worship an ALMIGHTY GOD. I reckon He does love it when we are up for it and seeking and yes even travelling in faith to get it, but He also loves it when we say - 'ok God, if this is a thing bring it on here on our patch' in a UK culturally acceptable way that really does smack of a 'revival'. Bring it on here in a way that brings in people who do not know Jesus. Surely we believe in a God who can break through anything - even Englishness? I met some significant and serious people who are going to St Andrews Chorleywood to check it out because Mark Stibbe has been to Lakeland. There are enough people now who have been - surely - so that revival can be brought back to this land? Lee Duckett, Trev Baker, Mark Stibbe and the rest - so why is it not happening here? Or is it?... and Im simply not getting it?

So, Im campaigning for our own thing - a UK thing - what will it look like? Im tired of wishing it to happen and praying it to happen when its not happening. Im exhausted by fad following - Tacoma - Lakeland - whatever the next thing is...its exhausting! The people who I am currently called to minister to just want the means to pay the mortgage, have enough to retire on and go to heaven and do their little bit on the way to helping others. Its great to see God doing amazing stuff but is it changing the world or is it simply changing Christians out of unbelief into belief of the thing they already believe? What is the fruit? Surely revival is when hoards of people who don't do God start to want to/need to/become desperate for God in his revealed truth. Is that happening?

This Lakeland stuff is proof that God can breakrhrough - lets pray for an original outpouring of signs and wonders out of the most unlikely place in the UK. That would be really cool. An outpouring then ACTION. People will be changed and then want to change the world. As Oswald Chambers says we believe in an ALMIGHTY GOD. Lets pray like we do and keep our grand in our pockets and do the coffee morning with the ladies this Thursday. In that way we can do our part to change the world.

I read this on Heidi Bakers blog regarding fruitfulness being related to intimacy. How intimate can we be when we are chasing other peoples experiences and rushing about chasing the wind? Surely the wind comes to us? Acts 2? We just gotta wait and pray? Acts 1?

"We are pressing in for the presence of God in our meetings and in our relationships. With all the meetings I find myself being drawn into more soaking prayer in the few hours I have alone each day. One of my life’s messages is that all fruitfulness flows from intimacy. My hearts desire is for an even closer and deeper friendship with God. At times, I am so hungry for more of Him that I find myself unable to concentrate on any other thought than wanting even more of the glorious life giving presence of Jesus. The longing is increasing. I feel like I am stepping into a season of greater grace and joy in extended times alone in His presence. I want to see Him. He longs for us to know Him and see the love and power of Holy Spirit living within us. I love Jesus more then life, more then breath, and more then any other person on earth. As I meet with people individually and corporately, I find Him there in them too. If I spend enough time in His presence, everything I do in ministry seems easy. If on the other hand, I feel pulled to do more than the Father wants of me, I find myself tired and frustrated. I pray we will all learn to live out of a place of fullness and rest. This is our loving Father’s desire for each one of His beloved children".

Phew..we can take the chill pill.

Johannesburg

2008-05-22T23:23:00.002+01:00

“They came at night, trying to kill us, with people pointing out, ‘this one is a foreigner and this one is not,’ ” said Charles Mannyike, 28, an immigrant from Mozambique. “It was a very cruel and ugly hatred.”

The New York Times shocking report on the troubles in Joburg. A sinister snap shot of the multi faceted issues faced by the fastest growing city in the world. This place is close to my heart. I am concerned to see this unrest at such a crucially sensitive time politically on the domestic scene whilst the world watches on in anticipation of 2010. I fear for and pray for SA.

Whammy Hunter

2008-05-21T23:49:00.008+01:00

The website proclaims 'Come Get Some!' - so I did. I went to Dudley last night to go see experience the Florida/Dudley Outpouring for myself. Trevor Baker was surprisingly energetic although clearly must be a bit tired after doing 21 days of 'revival meetings'. Im still processing it all - but I would say that it was not as bonkers as i thought it was going to be - but then maybe im just getting used to charasamentalism. I thought that there were some impressive and geniune healings going down and i certainly sensed the spirit on me during the meeting.

I responded to the call for pastors/church leaders to go forward to the front and receive the impartation from Lakeland as Trev had received it from Todd Bentley and I guess 'something' did happen. Physically, I went/fell over rather more gently than I have done before at other meetings but there was something powerful happening. The impartation was given for 'power to break the spirit of infirmity over the UK' with particular interest in the home nations. So, I thought I would have a bit of that - sounds great.

Although I sense that there is something going on and it should be of interest to us Im not sure its the third wave - yet. Im interested in it because the religious are being rude about it and that is always a good sign of revival. Im up for it/anything to make our time here more interesting and less focussed on what we can do and more on what God can do in power. I would say though that we may well experience a third wave of the spirit in our time and this may well be a prelude to it - a birthright gifting to our nation. We can relax about the slightly dodgy whammy impartation geneaology from Kansas City, Mike Bickle and Bob Jones if we could home nurture the third wave. So if all the prophesy is coming our way lets get ready - its gonna happen here and these Dudley times are maybe just the first birth pangs of a UK thing. Its rising up so lets get ready.

It was interesting that there was a word given at the CC Fulham conference last week which was the fire of revival over our land being put out - by church leaders.

We've been warned.

Lastly, it might interest you that when praying about whether i should go to Dudley or not I got given the words 'Go - get ready'. When I got to Dudley early (which in all honesty is a dump) I walked around the town centre and was repeatedly given the words in my spirit, 'Can anything good come out of Dudley?'. I think it can and will but maybe not quite yet. We need though, in my mind, to be prepared and take it seriously.

More than any of the stuff that ive seen on You Tube footage, the cross in the sky for me was awesome. It really made me think again about the stuff thats going on. It was so perfect in its timing, so natural and so apparently separate from any human involvement. It has increased my interest in all things Lakeland.

Come and Get Some

2008-05-20T15:15:00.002+01:00

I am doing a lot of processing at the moment especially in regards to what I received at the CC Fulham conference last week. Its extraordinary how difficult it is to carry forward the clarity received spiriturally into everyday consciousness. In other words its hard to remember what took place in detail. Also once remembered it never feels quite as impacting as it was at the time. So much of reflection has to be in the assurance that something did happen, that there was a significant spiritual transaction taking place in the prayer that I received.

Having been a bit of a sceptic and accusing the Tacoma stuff of being legalistic (which it is in one sense) I can no longer discount it nor disown what happened. It is, even by theological college standards quite heavy and was a lot to take in over a short period teaching wise. But the teaching does give a foundation to the practical outworking of the prayer. Brought up in quite a strict conservative evangelical home I have been left tired of pointless bible bashing (because although the bible is truth, its truth in my experience is rarely acted out in real life by those who rely solely on the word for their faith) and suspicious of charasmatic manifestations as they are often whooped up by man. The minefield for the God centered needs to be negotiated with caution. Beware of the bible bashers who are tied up in legalism and who live captive lives and caution with charasmatics keen to claim an annointing. Both approaches to a relationship with Christ are about control - trying to control and box in God. The interesting thing for me about the Jesus Ministry and Freedom Prayer models adapted by the churches in Tacoma, US is that it approaches the experince of God through prayer founded on a very strong teaching biblical tradition. It is high control - but control which leads to a place of freedom where God can speak and act. The value and dignity (a whole other subject on the practical natire of prayer ministry) of the freedom prayer depends foundationally on the thoroughness of the biblical explanation for it.
Anyway more thoughts later....

Catch the Fire

2008-05-19T23:08:00.006+01:00

word for UK from Todd and Bob Jones and Trevor Baker from Dudley

Prophets Forum word for London

word for London 2 - "revival is coming - sure foundation - leaders need to submit to lordship of Jesus Christ and to those spiritual authority over you in life - need to be yielded to leadership and to direction and guidance of the Holy Spirit - third thing be humble work of God not of your ministry". Wise sober and sensible words for UK leaders compared to the dynamism of Lakeland.

Go catch the fire in Dudley - saw a curate mate on Saturday who went and got blatted - might go and check it out myself tomorrow - anyone up for it? BAM!

Interesting that there was a word at the Christ Church Fulham conference last Friday that it will be church leaders who will put out the fire of revival in England.

Terminal..er....five

2008-05-15T07:41:00.002+01:00

The other day (on my day off) I decided to take the bus outside my door which took me to Heathrow. Only took 40 minutes or so. So i decided to go and look at terminal 5 to see what all the fuss is about. Once there I found a very obliging girl from BA who gave me a bit of a tour and some great advice for faster check in's. I must say I really liked it. It has the feel of Stanstead bright open and breezy but on a larger scale. Im looking forward to going air side as soon as possible. Not everyone though feels the same way- I found this on You Tube.

Christ Church Fulham

2008-05-13T11:47:00.003+01:00

Im off to a conference at Christ Church Fulham tonight and all this week. Im looking forward to it. CC will be my next door parish from next week, so its of local importance to me. I am hoping to discover more about the work of Destiny City Church Tacoma, Washington and their Jesus Ministry and Freedom Prayer. CCF are running the course in conjunction with HT Richmond and St Barnabus Kensington. I am most excited though of the very slim possibility of getting Ducketted up. I hear that he maybe doing the rounds imparting what he received in Lakeland, Florida. It would be immensly cool of he rocked up at Christ Church Fulham. Never one to discount any 'new thing' in its entirety, could it all go Lee Duckett in Fulham this week?

Anger Management?

2008-05-13T11:05:00.006+01:00

Ive just returned from this weeks lane agro with 'Sun Fish' (see previous post). This morning however, I chose not to try and fight it/her. I decided to pay attention to how others dealt with the problem. Just briefly, the problem is the apparent lack of self awareness of the 'sun fish' lady who controls the medium lane of my local pool, ignores lane etiquette and disallows those coming up behind her to pass at the end of each length.

There is as I suspected a general resignation in lane 2 to the fact that Sun Fish won't budge. I saw that everyone else too turns early so as to get in front of her. So it not just me we all feel the fear.

Interestingly I sensed this morning an unusual increase in tempo and a sort of communal disquiet. Not just in the medium lane but throughout the pool. There was a definite increase in the splash of a stroke and there was a lot of accidental kicking and coming togethers especially between lanes. This all suggested to me that people were more than usual 'exercising out' their daily frustrations. I guess this might be brought about by the heat coupled with an increase in morning pool attendance due to the fair weather? Who knows, but it is interesting.

Talking of frustrations, I have been doing a lot of exercise recently (last months). Last week I ran 42 miles with three 8 milers interdispersed by a couple of 4 milers up Harrow Hill. This new week, I did 8 miles (12.5Km) yesterday and swam appprox 3 km this morning.

Now, as a good friend recently pointed out (and this is what makes good friends good) apart from having a bit more time on my hands, I really do need to get a girlfriend. That comment though not in particular a response to the exercise, was more directed at the almost evangelistic enthusiasm I have for my recent home cleaning discovery of Sainsbury's 'anti-bacterial lemon all purpose wipes'. A gift to any bachelor lacking an 'Anna' and in need of fast and simple home cleaning solutions.

Bam! We are in the Third Wave! Its Official.

2008-05-12T17:12:00.009+01:00

Sid Roth interviews Todd Bentley about the outpouring in Lakeland Florida. Refers to Lee Duckett of St Lukes Cranham who has apparently held an impartation service.

Love the explanation for presence of God, "confirming bearing witness presence came into the room!"

"We're in the third wave!" this is going to carry us into the second coming".

Proud to be an Anglican

2008-05-08T10:08:00.003+01:00

Read this in the Times this morning.

"Bishop Gene on being a June bride
In an exclusive extract America's first Gay bishop explains why he's entering a civil union next month"

On approaching 40 and Death

2008-04-30T10:37:00.006+01:00

I am 40 this year. This means that media, marketing and religion is all going to change and come at me in a different way. I am approaching an age when I am expected (by the above three) to reflect on my youth and prepare for my dotage. I feel that I am faced with three choices. Either, I make it a problem that everyone else has and become like a river in North Africa (de-nial) or just go with the flow or thirdly I could embrace thoughts of my approaching death. Which is essentially what all the fear is about. Noone wants to think about the only certainty that they have.
Martin Amis once said about death that you get past 40 and wonder how you ever thought about anything else. So is that what we havc to look forward to? 'Its all over', we now have to consider the real possibility of death and the march of time towards it. Its as if all are telling me, 'Now you've got to start thinking about what you think about it all'. Are there really people who manage to avoid doing this until they are 40+? Have people really spent the first 40 years under the duvet, behind the sofa or with their heads in the sand? Bizarre.

Take the chill pill. I think there is a post forty panic on. Why else do normally sane middle class families up sticks and move to the country or to another country? Why do we suddenly have to rush about in a blind panic getting. Getting what we think we need to get in order to have fulfilled some fantasy life. Life is what you have had and have. Life isnt what you havent had or havent got. Remember - chill pill.

I read this morning and I thought it worthy of repeating. David Baddiel says to us in the Times,
"There are only three things that Ive ever really wanted to read about - sex, love and death - and as I get older, I find that its the last of these that most attracts my attention: which may be because as I get older the first two become less relevant, or because as I get older, Im more interested in how the first two turn out to be entirely informed by the third".

The great news is that as Christians because the third is sorted we can take the chill pill about the first two. In essence because we can relax about death, we can also relax about life. Remember God is in charge. Only then will we actually find what it is we are looking for. So as a Christian approaching 40 I want to be counter cultural. I want to be able to relax. I do not want to go round in a blind panic rush simply 'to get'. Why would that make life or death any more fulfilling? Whether I can resist the temptation to panic remains to be seen. Anyone want to get married? Anyone? Sun Fish?

Return of the Sun Fish

2008-04-29T21:29:00.008+01:00

Ive always been fascinated by the beauty of fish and especially the more interesting varieties of tropical fish. This love came from a snorkelling holiday in the Maldives which i took in the bad old days of 90% BA discounts. However not all fish are beautiful but they can be extraordinary. There is a remarkable fish called a Sun Fish (Mola mola) that is so called because of its peculiar behaviour. The Frogs call it a moon fish for the same reason. This fish likes to float on the surface of the sea apparently sunbathing and sort of noisily flaps its huge fins on the surface of the water to stabilise itself. It looks like a giant fish head with its body missing. It weighs about a ton (about the same as a Renault clio) which makes it, in my mind rather more remarkable.

I mention all this because of my experiences this morning in lane 2 of my local leisure centre's swimming pool. I haven't seen her for a while but the Sun Fish has returned. Now, this lady is quite extraordinary and to my mind has little or no concept of self and the space (rather large) that she occupies on this planet. Size does matter in this instance. Im not saying shes fat. I mean she is clearly a bit overweight, but arent we all, no, its more that she is a giant. She is about 7 foot high and built like a rhinocerous. She looks like, at first glance not ones first choice for picking a fight with. This is why, I think, she is able to do exactly what she likes in lane 2 without any regard for those around her. She is big, massive in fact, scary looking, slow and obstinate (or just hugely lacking in any self awareness).

Sun Fish is also one of those people whose wake sucks you in as you swim by. This means that you have to predict the water displacement that is likely to happen and counteract the neighbouring water vacuum with an extra effort in the left arm, so as to keep a straight course. Im sure that it is the same effect as a sinking ship which creates a kind of whirlpool motion that sucks everything down with it (ie Titanic and water going down the sink). And so it is with my morning lane 2 companion the Sun Fish. 'But', I hear you cry...'how is she like a sun fish?' Well apart from weighing a tonne and creating a 'sucking in' wake around her she also swims breast stroke (slowly) and keeps her head in the air and up to one side. This in my mind resembles the behavoural pattern of the sun fish.

So the Sun Fish has returned to lane 2. Whereas the other lady who I complained about at least does eventually concede priority, the Sun Fish never lets anyone through, and is Im sure the bain of the lane. All the ladies get the same treatment. So rather like aircraft waiting to come into land we all queue behind her swimming at her slower pace, hoping that soon she might suddenly see the light or need to leave.

Not one to be afraid of taking direct action, I decided to act. What I found most frustrating was her speeding up as she gets to the end of a length and then crossing the lane before her turn, in order to I presume, premeditate anyone thinking of trying to overtake her on the turn. I felt it was only fair that I preempt her premeditation. So I followed her in her wake (not hard because the wake just pulls you along) for a couple of lengths to send the message that I would like to pass. Normal pool behaviour. This was to give her a chance to choose to be nice. Pool etiquette insists at this point that you allow a close follower through. However, it became abundantly clear that courtesy was not the order of the day or foe that matter any day. So what i did was this. I dared to turn first before her mid pool so that I would be in front of her. I will admit publicly now that I swam really very slowly in front of her for half a length or so to send a message. I did this on two occassions. I think this may have annoyed her a great deal because for my lessons in pool etiquette I received a well aimed blow to my ribcage as I turned in front of her. With that I kept well away from then on. Like a schoolboy confronted by the school bully I kept swimming until I was sure she must have left the changing rooms.

This was because when I saw her get out of the pool I saw actually how massive she is.

It was then that I understood why noone ever said anything to the Sun Fish. The Sun Fish owns lane 2. I think I may need to start thinking about a move into lane 3. This all goes to show that some people just need to be left to do their thing and will never get a hint.

Live Healing Catch the Fire

2008-04-21T17:23:00.002+01:00

Liquorice Delivery

2008-04-21T16:24:00.002+01:00

I was not expecting delivery of my latest order of delicious rjs natural liquorice until perhaps mid week. You can imagine my surpise at returning home post swim this morning to find one of those irritating little 'we called but you were out' cards on my hall floor. I now have the unenviable task of driving to a godforsaken place called Park Royal between 7 and 8 pm this evening to the City Link depot in order to collect my once convenient internet purchase of kiwi tuck.

Lane Hog

2008-04-21T15:41:00.003+01:00

I had a minor victory this morning at my leisure centre. I have a particularly fine continuous breast stroke and I am the envy of my lane. The ladies vary from quite old and slow to middle aged and mumsy. The lane hog of the 'medium lane' is middle aged and mumsy and will do anything to make sure I do not pass her. Anyone who swims knows how frustrating it is to be stuck behind a slow coach swimmer especially one that ignores pool etiquette and will not let you pass at the end of each length. Ive found myself trying to pass her at 4 attempts. I would normally have to give up and turn mid-pool which is very wrong. This morning however I persisted and swam close up behind her as I normally do to send her the message. Although this particular hog expects the other ladies to concede position to her she has proved obstinate when presented with the choice of allowing me through. This morning though was a triumph of manners and reason over selfishness and hognasity. Nasty business pool politics.

Betjeman and Middlesex

2008-04-18T21:27:00.005+01:00

Been thinking a bit recently about poet legend John Betjeman. We went to the same school and we share the same love of place and I relate to his poetry because I often notice similar things about places. I have spent time in places that he has written about. Marlborough, Oxford, Chelsea, Cornwall and now Middlesex. The thing is...whereas I can see the enchantment which inspires his writing about these places the Middlesex thing I do not get. As I plan to leave the area I am sorry to say that this is not the image i am going to take with me. Its a river, a Wembley and a Harrow Hill that I simply failed to see. Sorry Betj.

"Gentle Brent, I used to know you
Wandering Wembley-wards at will,
Now what change your waters show you
In the meadowlands you fill!
Recollect the elm-trees misty
And the footpaths climbing twisty
Under cedar-shaded palings,
Low laburnum-leaned-on railings
Out of Northolt on and upward to the heights of Harrow hill."

Thinking geography for a second, if he was going from Northolt to Harrow hill then 'on and upward' must be South Harrow, where I am. Im surpirised he didnt mention it. Though

"Out of Northolt, through South Harrow to the heights of Harrow hill", doesn't sound quite the same does it?

Addicted to Liquorice

2008-04-18T18:01:00.003+01:00

I have become quite addicted to this liquorice especially when found in the single log variety. Now, this is interesting to me because I have never been that fond of liquorice especially as a child. So along with M&S lightly salted crisp squares this is my new addiction. Ive just ordered 64 pieces on the internet which should keep me going for a month or so.
Apparently well known in NZ the company does not actually operate over here except through some named suppliers. I reckon if they got over here they would clean up. I stumbled upon the delicious sticks of soft liquorice on a stag night in Marlow of all places.

Enjoy...

MyFace

2008-04-11T12:16:00.001+01:00

Facebook in the Guardian

"The creators of the site need do very little bar fiddle with the programme. In the main, they simply sit back and watch as millions of Facebook addicts voluntarily upload their ID details, photographs and lists of their favourite consumer objects. Once in receipt of this vast database of human beings, Facebook then simply has to sell the information back to advertisers, or, as Zuckerberg puts it in a recent blog post, "to try to help people share information with their friends about things they do on the web". And indeed, this is precisely what's happening. On November 6 last year, Facebook announced that 12 global brands had climbed on board. They included Coca-Cola, Blockbuster, Verizon, Sony Pictures and Condé Nast. All trained in marketing bullshit of the highest order, their representatives made excited comments along the following lines:
"With Facebook Ads, our brands can become a part of the way users communicate and interact on Facebook," said Carol Kruse, vice president, global interactive marketing, the Coca-Cola Company."

Freefalling

2008-04-09T16:37:00.011+01:00

Ive just been doing a bit of exercise in the mountains and this is a picture of me and friend Stotty just before I conquered the dreaded black at Courchevel. I do not normally attempt the blacks hence crash helmet. In fact this is the second attempt. The first ended in a 100m vertical freefall. Thankfully the second attempt went better and I skied all the way down...properly. The freefall though was an extraordinary experience and has got me thinking this morning. I slid for what seemed like an age head first and skies attached. At one point I managed to get my feet in the air to right myself by putting the skies downhill from me but as soon as they hit the slope I got catapulted over again head first. At that I realised that there was nothing I could do but wait until I reached the bottom. In effect I had to give up. When I eventually came to a halt the sound of snow rushing past me and filling up my jacket was replaced by the roaring laughter of my friend. I then had to pose while he took post wipe out shots of me which are no doubt on MyFace somewhere. The great thing was that I had left a slide trail down the run which I think he got on film. Epic.

Zimbabwe

2008-04-09T16:13:00.005+01:00

I have been on holiday recently with a couple amongst others, one from Zim and one from Durban. Cant seem to get away from the Africans these days! Whilst away the election in Zimbabwe was taking place so it all felt much closer to what was going on being with a Zim who was watching every development. It really brought home to me the problems there and the desperation that people feel. I must say that I am gutted for the people and country with whats been going on. Change is long overdue. I must confess that despite the fact that I have relatives there or did have, I know very little about how it all came to pass in 1979/80. I found this article at the weekend by Peter Carrington (Did we put a tyrant in power?) the then British Foreign Secretary under Thatcher at the time. Very informative. It gives a concise insiders view of what happened in the run up to Mugabe taking power.

21 days and counting...

2008-04-09T15:53:00.005+01:00

Well, a mate has reminded me in stark terms of my current predicament. Time is running out. I am a first year curate in the church of england whose first curacy went wrong in its first 4 months. Personality differences, communication issues and religiosity. Usual stuff. Why do curacies fail? Because they are about making two leaders work together in a strained environment. Rather like getting two pandas to mate. The world watches on eargerly expectant only to be disappointed. Interesting to hear of the pain of my colleagues in dealing with their vicars. As my godfathers father said, 'every parson is little dictator'. In other words it aint just me.

So Ive got 21 days to leave the place where I am housed and until they withdraw my salary. There are other possibilities but everyone is on holiday and noone saw that coming least of all me. So not really knowing what Im supposed to be doing other than following direction which cant be followed up because of hols, im going to start ringing the landscape trade. It seems the logical conclusion to stagnation. Officialy, in 21 days I am officially to be without a home or an income and no hope in sight so maybe its time to take matters into my own hands?

The trouble is I feel totally deskilled from the landscape trade. Im not sure three years of theology and a failed curacy has been any good for preparation to the landscape business. I wouldnt know how to hold a trowel or mow a lawn anymore. So Im a bit stuck. Could of course go to Africa for a while do the HB thing get blessed up.

Whats so bad about Joel Osteen?

2008-04-09T12:03:00.005+01:00

Ive been on You Tube recently looking at takes and snippets of a controversal Texan evangelical church leader called Joel Osteen. He leads a church of 20,000. Now, if you go and have a look you will probably find more films by others denegrating his ministry than films promoting his ministry itself. Quite frankly I was quite shocked. Not shocked by the seeming watered down Christianity of Osteen, but shocked at the anger, vehemence and almost glee in some cases of those preachers who have made it their mission to discredit him. They just love to play 'heresy catch out' with him. One anti-Osteen preachercop even rounded on Billy Graham, provocatively saying he deserves to go to hell and is going to hell. It made me sick and sad to even be associated with these people who claim the same faith as I. Who would I rather be associated with if I had to make a choice? What would Jesus think? Free spirited Osteen full of hope or mean spirited detached observors laughing and deriding? The ridiculers reminded me of the pharisees in the Bible, laughing and spitting at Jesus. So without prejudice I enter the fray as I try and come to terms with my warming towards the words of freedom.

Now, as you will know from my previous posts Im not one for willy waving evangelical trophy preachers. That is the 'my church is bigger than yours' leader. You know, the counter clicker brigade. And Id be the first to jump on Osteen for vague bible quotes and the avoidance of sin and repentence babble. But he is refreshing. As someone who has suffered at the hands of religiosity having taken modernist bible thumping evangelical teaching as law, and having spent half a life time beating myself up as a result, to hear that God loves us, that we are his children and that we should be greedy for good things as He wants to gives us so much more, is to me refreshing. From the little i have heard, Osteen is not explicitly a wealth and health preacher (although accused) but suggests that the human tendency (because of sin and the devil) is to beat up on ourselves and that we simply deserve more than condemnation. That is the gospel isnt it? I heard Osteen encouraging us that we need to change our mental attitude and see a gospel (yes good news not bad) that is for us and not against us. This is one thing that really spoke to me; and I paraphrase, 'we should not see ourselves as sick people looking to God for healing, we are instead healed and whole people in Gods sight fighting against sickness'.

Im coming to learn that the way to Jesus is through non judgemental acceptance love and grace. This is what the cross and resurrection symbolise. I agree with Osteen on Letterman who says we are not here to judge but to simply explain the gospel. It is only God who can truly convict the human heart. How else do recent converts wake up in the middle of the night and decide that they should not sleep with each other anymore because they are not married? That is by Gods conviction of the human heart. The truth of our heart is what we are to face as individuals at the end of our lives. That conviction is Gods job by his Spirit. Lets be clear about who's job is who's. We are here only to witness to conviction by grace and to provide a framework in which that conviction can happen, and allow others the freedom and dignity to seek God as themselves. In that way at their death they will have no confusion about whether they have followed man or followed God. I am a follower of God because of the sacrifice made for me by his son Jesus who allowed himself to be tortured and murdered for my sake. The knowledge of that truth has been made available to me through the bible but moreso through the power of the Holy Spirit who has brought the bible to life. I think Osteen knows this and simply has a 'barn door' admission policy so that as many people can come in and be exposed to the Holy Spirits conviction of their hearts. I think he has a closet conservative theology. His methods are to present a gospel that is emotionally healthy. It is about positivity, healthy thinking. He is perhaps a man raised up by God at a critical time? If depression and mental ill health dog your life, positive gospel thinking is the flip side of the coin. Gospel turns thinking and people around.

Mars Hill were having a real, almost vitriolic go at him on YT which presents a small problem for me because I think MH is a good thing. In some sense it is probably good that there are people checking up on him and taking the micky out of him it can only make him better at what he does. I think though (from the little I have heard) that Osteen simply wants to reach as many people as possible. His message is one of inclusion not exclusion. The bible thumping anti-Osteenaholics aappear to me to be quite scary people and exist in a kind of super-spiritual 'holier than thou' realm rather like the pharisees.

I spent some time at sea in 1994 on a 28ft yawl called Jodikean (pictured left). We spent hours trying to catch fish because there was little else to do. We made a harpoon for the shoals of tuna that followed us at times and must have maimed 100's as they slipped off the homemade stainless steel barbs. We also made a lure on a line that we dragged behind the boat but only caught 2 fish in as many months. The Irishman who was with us spent hours trying to make the lure as attractive as possible with what he could find on the boat. A fly fisherman I would guess has the same art of trying to work out what kind of fly the fish rise for and make a lure that will be attractive to them.

So, likewise if you preach law and death you are not going to get many biters and you are not going to have much fun. Isnt it about what approach we take to the gospel rather than the core gospel itself? Just because Osteen presents the gospel in a redeeming light and not in a 'sin convicting' way does not necessarily mean he is reducing the power of the gospel. It could just mean he is a gifted evangelist. Maybe it is not his gifting to disciple people through the minefields and mindfields of a lived out gospel. Maybe thats your job or someone elses job? Perhaps his job is to simply get people through the door and thinking. He gets them in and others clean up the mess. At least they are in. He is the Ambulance and the truth police are Casualty. You do the messy stuff. Just suggesting a way it could work. In fact isnt that what all the reation is about on You Tube? Its just Osteen getting others to say what he knows he cannot say in a way that he knows he cannot say. Clever. If Oseteen is the cast net on the Jesus side of the boat then the sorting of good fish and bad fish on land is down to the regenerating Spirit.

My point is that Osteen clearly wants to get Jesus's message of love, grace and acceptance across to as many people as possible. He is right not to be drawn into conversations about judgement, he cannot be the judge of peoples hearts. We cant be the judge. People need to be given permission to move away from the power of the preacher/pastor/leader/judge to be allowed to take responsibility for their own judgement. Isnt this the nature of an evolving church? Allowing the individual direct access to God and responsibility? Our job as evangelists preachers and pastors is simply to present the message of grace (the good news) to SINNERS (ie people like us) in a way that enables people to make a choice.

Mental health is one of the major issues crippling our society in the West. Would it be trite for me to generalise that this could be due to a lack of individual well being, due to a breakdown of relationships, family units and the Church? Surely Satan is clever enough to know that he cant quell the gospel and would want the gospel to be portaryed as unconquerable law which leads to a sense of individual failure and depression? The Church has let us down time and time again. We have been given personality led bible law and ungrace. People become frightened and feel rejected by the modernist bible thumping approach. Hopefully we can move away from the Victorian approach now? We are an unfulfilled western society depressed by the lack of answers to big questions. The Church has had its role in that. It had no answers when we were ravaged by war, no clear answers to 1960's liberalism and now no answers to a failing society at crisis breakdown full of apathy and mental illness. When I heard Osteen I heard hope, I heard the flip side to the law coin, i heard grace. Hope hope hope is what we need to preach. How much is the negativity of our society a direct result of a guilt and shame gospel? Osteen is an evangelist. By their very nature evangelists are non judgemental and promote a gospel of hope and grace for this life. They are the sales team. If I was God I would be glad (despite some of his schoolboy errors, (in fact does that make it more like a God thing?)) that Osteen was in charge of 20,000 strong church. In the grand scheme of things, surely God would rather a lot of people hear who he really was in a positive and healthy way. As opposed to a reduced God preached by narrow minded angry local preachers who preach law to parochial exclusive clubs. Also, I think if Jesus came back now he would be rocking up at those type of churches first and forcing all the legalists to go listen to Osteen until they became Christians.

No doubt anyone who might read this and cares enough will point out to me stuff i hadnt known about Osteen. Its just that I warmed to him (despite the smarm) because he was preaching hope and victory. His words sounded like freedom and he is not interested in weighing people down with how crap they are. Surely, we do a good enough job of doing that to ourselves without going to church to get it affirmed?

My Face

2008-04-08T14:29:00.008+01:00

I am currently negotiating with the Facebook help desk. I hear from a friend that pictures have been posted on this social networking site and I am in them. What evidence of my private life has been revealed to the www (weird world of web)? I want to reactivate my account which I left in Spring 2007 but because my email has changed this is not a straight forward process. I would like to see what I am doing in these photos, am I skiing par chance?

I have got a bit of time on my hands at the moment so I thought I could spend all of it asking everyone on FB to be my friend. But i do have some questions about the site and what it does and Ive never felt comfortable with it.

I am confused about Facebook and havent really been able to nail down what I think outside getting annoyed about all the obvious stuff. Its good to communicate and be in contact with existing friends and old friends. Because it seems the vast majority use this site it means if you dont, it can make you feel quite left out. Recent holiday snaps of skiing in Meribel are available to see on line except to the person who is in 14 of them. That is quite weird to me.

The other problem I have is with people who want to be your friend even though they dont say hello to you face to face in real life. So you decide to be their friend because a. you do not want to offend them and b. it will add to your vast numbers of 'friends'. And as we hate to admit that is what a lot of what FB appears to be about. On FB you can earn your worth as a human being by the number friends you have. If you are a leader and promoting what you do it can make you feel very special im sure. I have heard recently of one girl I know who has 590 friends. I promise you she hasnt got 590 friends. But this is part of the scary christian network game thing isnt it? Im not in it, so it makes me afraid. I may have been in it one time and it made me afraid. Im maybe going to rejoin FB and it makes me afraid.

I am quite naive because Ive realised that when certain people say they are a friend of so and so it can mean anything from standing behind them in the queue for quiche after church on sunday to going out with them. In short the word friend has been devalued.

As a great friend (real one) said to me over a beer in Richmond on Saturday night you can count your real friends on one hand. That being the number of people who you could ring in the middle of the night to rescue you when you might have broken down on a motorway (or something like that). So what FB means by 'friends', my other mate pointed out, is 'acquaintances'. That may be obvious to you but I had to think it through.

Posting pictures of other people and naming/tagging them without their permission. Right or wrong?

The ex girlfriend problem. A guy i was on holiday with runs a company and gets frustrated with people wasting company time on FB as he said 'chatting with ex girlfriends'. They really are a nuisance, but not just in the chatting department. What if they request friendship and you dont want to be their friend? Surely thats why they are ex?

The status problem. What if you say you are single but actually you are dating someone but dont want everyone to know and this really annoys the person you are dating? There are so many 'status' scenarios that could cause friction. This though could be a good thing. It could be forcing people to discuss and communicate what is going on between them? Who knows?

Anyway got to go to POT now. Show my face. Need a job.

Gas bill

2008-04-07T12:48:00.000+01:00

Just spent something like 2 hours trying to work out my British Gas bill. It is my belief that they are made to be intentionally difficult to work out. So heres an attempt at explaining.

There are two set £rates (pence per Kw/hr used in a single day). One set of two tiered rates before 18th Jan 08 and another set of two tiered rates after 18th Jan 08.

Before 18th Jan my gas cost..
4.266 pence per first 12.526 kilowatts used in a single day
2.173 pence per kilowatt for the rest of the day

After the 18th Jan 08 my gas now costs..
6.151 pence per first 7.342 kilowatts used in a single day
2.580 pence per kw for teh rest of the day

They then calculate how many days there are between either their guesstimate and/or you reading on the meter. They take the Kw rates (say 7.342) and multiply that by the number days. Then the 6.151 £rate is multiplied to that. Then they repeat for the remainder of Kw's used in a single day multiplied by the total number of days, then multiplied by the lower £rate. Ughhh!

On first inspection it looks like i get to now pay a higher £rate (4.266 up to 6.1510 pence) but on a significantly lower amount of Kilowatts, in fact nearly half the original amount (12.526 kw's down to 7.342 kw's). My question was though, have BG changed their rates in our favour? It could seem like that at first glance.

However, there is no transparency because you have to actually have to calculate the new period with the old rates to find out what has changed. In order to see the difference we as customers have to do the maths. Someone with less time on their hands may casually look at the rates, see the small £rate rise but notice the seeming larger reduction on kw's to which that rate applies, and so be initially comforted.

Having calculated the new bill (post 18th Jan) with the old rates the truth is that the actual costs have gone up by 8%. I believe an 8% rise needs to be shown as 8% and not hidden in meaningless and clever rates (which I confess I still do not fully understand).

As an attempt, I would summarise that the the reduction in Kws on the higher but reduced rate used in the first instance on each day is less in value than the increase in £rate per Kw used. So by varying the numbre of Kws on which a rate can be applied, as well as varying the £rate per number of kw can really mess with your head. Mess aint good. Clarity is good. 8% is what the change amounts to...8%.

As a result of this Ive reduced my energy settings by 8%. My thermo Ive reduced by 2 degrees. Ive reduced the time I have my heating on by more. Hopefully it will warm up soon and i can turn it off completely.

What all this I think is telling me, is that I really need a job. People are dying.

Johannesburg

2007-11-21T10:25:00.002Z

Joburg was great this week and never fails to be an eye opener. It is one of the fastest growing cities in the world and the gateway to Africa so Gods hand must be on the place. It really got under my skin when I first went there and going back has reconfirmed my on going interest in it. As far as I can make out to me it feels like the centre of the universe and there is so much to get involved with. Highlights this time were walking freely (something I was not permitted to do last year) and visiting people in Evaton and exploring Rosettenville and Newtown. I stayed with a couple who are doing the real thing in the centre of Rosettenville through a community church there. My hobby horse is fast becoming that church should be raw messy and outward looking and not a safe haven for passive 'help my career' seat warmer types. They have people from all over Africa and the world in that church, a real community of the kingdom and its proper messy. Street kids, prostitutes, pimps, Nigerian drug lords and alchohol abuse surround the place. Durban reggae legend Lucky Dube was recently murdered nearby. This is the kind of place that sparks me up as it is doing proper primary contact kingdom work and the church has a vision for more.
The thing I love about Joburg is that it is in your face, its raw and ugly yet full of life and beauty at the same time and I reckon God loves it and is going to restore it. That interests me deeply.

Venetian Art

2007-09-14T13:13:00.001+01:00

When I went to Venice in 1987 with a mate inter-railing, 'art and fart' was how I would have described the paintings and art generally at the age of 17. Things have changed though. Twenty years on to the day in Venice (9.9.07) I decided to do the whole art thing and surprised myself. Tintoretto has become a firm favourite. Biblical, recognisable and understandable. What really blew me away was the Scuola Grand di San Rocco behind the Frari, known as Tintoretto's Sistine Chapel.
I was also interested to see the painting below in the Chiesa di San Rocco behind the Frari of Jesus clearing the temple of money changers. I was particulalry struck because most pictures of Jesus in Venice are either of him dying on the cross or of looking rather meek and mild doing something miraculous. I liked this one because its real. It is real for me because I can relate to the emotion. I wonder, and I am not asking this because i think I know the answer, whether Jesus would approve of the churches of Venice being full of culture vultures looking for the Bellini. Would he want to flog them? Or would he pleased that the art might somehow speak to the thousands that come? Just a question. Anyway, all the looking at art eventually started to fatigue me, but I liked Jesus here doing what I often feel like doing.

When i was growing up, and I am aware that that is still happening, I was struck by the men in church. Or what for me were the poor excuses for men in church. Its one of the reasons why I kept out of church for 15 years or so. Men who were not followable. Nothing much has changed. My old church in London was full of metrosexual men types and there were some girls who would be actively seeking men who were in their own words 'JGE', 'just gay enough'. Girls you got to stop that. NO WONDER MEN DONT COME TO CHURCH. They are never going to be your best girlfriend, they are men and do what men do.

The thing is if you give men meek and mild Jesus you will get repressed meek and mild men. In my view Jesus was a mans man and you wouldnt want to mess with him. Of course not in a Vinny Jones way but in a way that is clearly intelligent and wise. This is the view and image of Jesus that i think is accurate. The image of Jesus with birds and lambs and butterflies around him on a green hill (you know the one) gives off a wrong message and needs to be destroyed. i actually lived in a house for a while in South Africa that had that picture on the wall amongst others.

Let men be men and dont try and make them into ladymen then eventually in about 50 years time you might if you are lucky start getting men interested in church again. What would Jesus say about the way you make him like a girl and about the way you try and make men all girly with your girly love theology and 'jesus is my girlfriend' songs? Men stay away. I will let you know when its safe, I have to be here so I will keep a look out for you....for now.

Angry Church. NW Fallout

2007-08-05T13:37:00.001+01:00

Having just got back from New Wine its time to get back to reality. Ive always believed that NW is simply a jolly for predominantly white, privileged, middle class surburban Christians. That is why I have never been. That was my preconception before I ever went and now having been, I feel able to say that my preconception was entirely accurate.

New Wine is a networking event where people catch up with other people and everyone seems to know everyone else. People choose to camp out or they take their car-a-van. Its a family thing really. They lay on great kids work which I hear is second to none. So apart from the great kids work and the opportunity to network what else happens? Well, there are a lot of talks and seminars about living life better and times laid aside for singing songs.

So, whats the goal of the 'teaching' at New Wine? I wonder whether it looks anyhing like what the founders had originally intended. Like the church in general it seems to miss the point. Broadly speaking I suggest that NW could be in danger of becoming about personality rather than about God. I know thats quite a major thing to say but it did seem to be about the speakers and about us in terms of what God can do for us, rather than what we can do for God. It may have slipped? I sense that it may be more of a chance for people (and usually the same people year on year apparently) to promote themselves, their church and their mission, than it is about equiping people and leaders. It also appears to have become all about me. That is, its become about me and just me; not me and how I relate as a Christian in the world around me. In other words there is an awful lot of naval gazing and 'you are getting it wrong' themed teaching. I guess one good thing is that its a place where church leaders can take their churches to be part of something bigger than just their church. That I can understand. But adversly I think also that it may be a place where church leaders like to compete for recognition by comparing the size of their churches against their degree of succcess.

Apart from the obvious need to have 'fun', what is the serious side to it? (Im not a fun fascist, if its church fun you want then it will do that probably; its just nice to get equiped at the same time). What are the organisers trying to do apart from the seemingly obvious which is promoting themselves and to give a platform to church leaders and missioners who may use the event to compete for resources and raise their profiles? It is important to have fun but these events should, in terms of relevancy, firstly be about equipping the people, then about the context the people come from, that is the real world; then it should surely be about church and then very lastly about church leaders. I think it has arguably become church leaders first, then churches, then culture, then context then lastly if theres time about the punters. So the very people who resource the festival, the punters get the least. Has the established church forgotten what its for? The church is dying and noone is coming. What have I heard this week that makes me want to go out and bring revival to this land? Not a lot. We have churches that are so inward looking that they feel like a club. That is my feeling and Im a supposed 'insider'. How then would someone who never goes to church feel? So, if noone's coming to church nw could be used as a barometer as to why that might be. Has church become more about personality than community? What should church look like is a question that haunts the potential church leader. Should it look like nw...a kind of naval gazing experience? Well, if nothing happens without God church should be a place where people can get Goded up. That is experience God in a real and tangible way, get equipped, go out and do the thing you do. But how do others experience God if they are not coming to church? Could it possibly be that we in some way could take church out to people? Church needs to be rethought. My question is, should church become about specific outreach to a specific community of need?

The social agenda could be a way forward but can quickly become 'works' law. Or it could become what posh people do once a year on a wet weekend because it ticks the 'poor' box for them and their church 'justice' department. One church leader at nw was very pleased to tell us about all the social justice they are doing in his enormous big massive huge church. I am not sure whether he really does see social justice as the way forward; my fear is that it may be fast becoming a tag-on for church. Its becoming meaningless and being made meaningless by those leaders who do not take it seriously apart from it ticking the social justice box. The tick makes them and their church look good to themselves and on one level to the outside world and it also keeps the justice junkies quiet who may feel they have won a victory. But its only a superficial victory. (Its ok to be principled as long as your principles can be shelved long enough to get stuff done). I know Ive digressed but I think that those who feel called to social justice often get it wrong and end up fighting the wrong fight. What I refer to is people who fight hard to get justice a voice in churches that are not really interested in responding in a real way. They are not interested because they feel that the social justice agenda has the effect of paralysing any evangelsitic vision the church might have for growth. As long as growth is priority the social agenda will be feared. They fear it because doing the poor people thing (in the UK context) just isn't that sexy in the short term. As a box ticker it looks good, but as a real policy for doing real church social justice is not a people pleaser. There is also the faceoff factor. That is that justice junkies look for a wall to shout at. Thats what they do. They find the opposition and confront it out of principle because they have to change things. Change is what makes them tick, which I guess is often a good quality. Look at Wilberforce. As far as church is concerned though I am not sure. Its a shame that social justice people do not seem to possess the drive to do their own thing rather than expending energy trying to change existing systems. That is, why fight a church that is working as it is? Why not go set up a church that is doing social justice first? Put the energy into something creative rather than wasting it on people and churches who like to appear that they are listening but arent really.

Why then dont justice junkies start churches? Or do they (they may do but I havent seen it)? Ok, so here it is, my vision. How about doing church whose first priority is outreach to the local community in need. Get a bunch of people who like to do this kind of stuff and get them to commit to 10 years to one church one place. Now we are not talking about mid sussex or chelsea but rather finding an area of real need. Real need, that is people on the poverty line and in life crisis. Rather than doing posh church and farming out the odd home group to do some painting ,why not do poor church and go serve the poshies. They need all the help they can get to get real! (look at NW!). So here is how it could work. Find a people group you want to help. There willl probably be a crappy dead church somewhere in this likely to be urban priority area (UPA). You get the church off the bishop for 10 years. You then get funding from 4 places equally. From government local and national, from the posh church you are from and private benfactors, from local business and from the church. Then for 10 years and expecting nothing to happen you go serve the people in that place. You go out. You act. You do the thing. The thing is the poor and oppressed. We need to go out to them. This is my vision, you can nick it and do the same thing I dont care or you can join me. Nothing glamorous nothing exotic just real church in a real place.

New Wine was predominantly about self masticating church leaders with perma tans and a history of trendy church growth. I am a great fan of one woman (not a church leader) though who was there, who speaks sense with grace and undefended intelligence about social justice. For her social justice is not having something to prove in rebellion to an imaginary parent figure it is about truth. Biblical truth. Her talk was for me the most truthful and honest presentation at NW. The problem though with the trendy justice crowd is that they seemingly piggy back churches that they can fight against to change. It is good to some degree to have a voice for change within a church but often the motivation can be misplaced. Whats their issue behind that behaviour? Misplaced anger? The 'Ive got something to prove' unhealthy anger? Or, 'Ive been let down by churches and their leaders in the past on this issue so im going to resolve it here by shouting about social justice and then I will move on'? Why fight whats in front of you when you can go round it and do your own thing? If you are serious about social justice then why do you need church to be a vehicle for your vision especially if that church's vision is different to yours?

I think we are in a time when church here needs to radically change. Noone is coming. It needs to become more like Jesus in that instead of waiting for people to come through the doors with the 'attendance counter clicker' on the door, you could do small church of committed people going out to where the people are and making a real difference to real local communities. Socially, this country is in a very bad way. The government are increasingly looking to faith groups for solutions. In Jesus we have the solution. A very clever friend of mine who knows these things said to me once, 'if Jesus is not involved in the liberation of and justice for the poor then any action however well intentioned will have limited effectiveness'. That means Jesus people have the advantage. Jesus came to liberate us from ourselves, how are we going to demonstrate that liberation to others from our ivory tower churches. Unless we go out and do the social justice thing as priority and not simply as a token 'add on' for church then the work will only have limited effect. Our priorities are upside down. New Wine was a bit of a reflection and projection of evangelical church in this country. Apparently personality led and ineffective. To have a church of 2000 in the west country is only interesting in the context of the church of england which is dying anyway. Look at the black majority churches of 40,000. How about that for context. Also, its not because they do social justice as an add on to church that brings people in. Its probably and simply because they've been deemed cool enough by the church hopping in-crowd for a few years who are likely in all probability to move on and are probably only coming because they might play guitar better than the nearest alternative down the road.

I want to see a church that will be happy to worship with a CD. A happy church even when theres no heating. A church that will be happy that theres no church sometimes. A church that goes out to others even on a sunday. A church thats happy to meet on other days other than sunday. A church that is committed to itself as a real and living community of outwardly integrated people. A church that is nominal christian unfriendly. A church that is angry. A church that fights for justice and is angry for Jesus, not because its trendy to be angry but because righteous anger works. I wanna be able to say one day that I might lead a church that looks like this wherever in the world that might be. I am desperate not to get sucked into the mistakes of a forgotten and largely irrelevant institution.

Town & Gown Race

2007-05-20T16:58:00.002+01:00

This morning I ran 10K around the streets of Oxford. I came 1508th out of 2700 or so.

This is me before...

and heres me after....

It took me 56 minutes. Its the first time Ive run a 10k race. I normally run in training 8k but with weight (10Kg presently) which I do in the same time so I squeezed in a couple of extra km's.

blogarchive: Krist Puja, Indianised Christian Worship

2006-12-21T12:49:00.001Z

Symbolism and Culture in Lenasia, Jo'burg

Symbolism in the Krist Puja is of huge importance to the Hindu and is one of the areas of complaint and points for discussion amongst traditional Indian Anglicans. Soobrayan says, “The Krist Puja is an attempt to present a liturgical form of worship for those who have come to appreciate the beauty of Hindu spirituality and also have come to know the love of Jesus of Nazareth. It is also my hope that such worship will be a meeting point of dialogue between Hindus and Christians”[1]. The shrine that is needed for this kind of worship should consist of the following. A cross, Jesus icons, a central oil lamp, other lamps and candles, incense sticks, flowers, a vessel for water, Kunkum (red powder), a coconut and a bell. The symbolism associated with these items reflect both Christian and Hindu traditions and provoke much discussion. Perhaps the most controversial are the offering of flowers and fruit and the symbolism associated with the coconut.

In Hinduism coconuts are extensively used in Hindu religious rites. Coconuts are usually offered to the gods, and a coconut is smashed on the ground or on some object as part of an initiation or inauguration of building projects, facility, or a ship for example; this act signifies the sacrificing of ego, that wealth stems from divinity, and if due credit is not given, bad karma is taken on. In Hindu mythology it is referred as Kalpavruksha. In Hindu mythologies it is said that Kalapavruksha gives what is asked for. It is therefore a highly significant symbol and powerfully used. In the Krist Puja the coconut is also used as a symbol of sacrifice, but to the supreme sacrifice that Jesus made. The shape reminds the people of His heart. The brown shell reminds the people His mortality, the pure white inside reminds the people of His glory. The breaking of the coconut and the flowing of the water symbolises the heart of Jesus breaking on the cross when he was pierced with a spear and blood and water flowed out of his side for our cleansing. Soobrayan explains, “Receiving of the flesh of the coconut and drinking the water is symbolic of us participating in the mystery of the love of God revealed in the sacrifice of Jesus and the breaking of his heart on the cross”[2]. As I witnessed on my visits to Hindu temples in Lenasia that devotees offer fruit, flowers and coconuts at the altar of a Hindu shrine. Newbigin says of this type of contexualisation; “If the gospel is to be understood, if it is to be received as something which communicates truth about the real human situation, if it is, as we say, to make sense, it has to be communicated in the language of those who it is addressed and has to be clothed in symbols which are meaningful to them”[3]. The Krist Puja does achieve that. It currently takes place once a month in the home of Rev Kumeran Soobrayan and is attended on average by about thirty people. In this extract from the writers diary we see the apparent attraction that there is for Hindus who feel comfortable with Christian worship in this form.

“There was a time for people to come forward to the ‘turning of fire’ ceremony towards the end of the service. Out of the thirty people there, apparently six were Hindus. Five of those Hindus came forward to turn the fire over the shrine and bible and were blessed by Reuben (now Kumeran) in the name of Jesus with a red mark on their foreheads symbolising the blood of Jesus. ‘Deep jale, Prabhu naam rahe, Mere mandir mein, Mandir mein’ (Let the flame burn, so the Lord’s name remains in my temple). At the end of the service there was a time for prayer. Reuben tells me that three Hindus came up for prayer at the end. The prayer from my experience was quite charismatic in style and resembled prayer ministry time at my church in London. I saw people slain in the Spirit and Reuben says that Hindus are coming to faith in Jesus as a result of this form of worship”[4].

The turning of fire is when each individual is invited forward to take the oil lamp and as a sign of purification to wave it over the shrine that has been set up as shown below. This is known as Aarti in Hindu custom. Soobrayan explains; “Aarti is an ancient Hindu custom of waving fire in circular motion before a sacred object. This ritual originally was conducted in the dark inner Sanctuary of the temples to light up the objects of worship. For us the ritual is a plea to God for Him to give us darsham (light and vision) of Himself. The reading of the Bible after aarti is symbolic of God answering that prayer by revealing Himself through the written Word”[5]. The priest in Hinduism would do this in the temples and it would be quite an impressive ritual of light and fire at the end of devotions. The temples being pitch black and the flames darting around and lighting up dark corners and reflecting off the objects in the shrine.

Some of these symbols are being gradually introduced from Soobrayan’s home into the Church of Christ the Saviour, Lenasia. As deacon he would remove his shoes as he entered the ‘shrine’, that is the area behind the communion rail where the altar sits. He ‘decorated’ the feet of the altar with fruit and a coconut as a Hindu would in the temple next door. To my untrained eye it looked rather like an innocent celebration of Harvest Festival (which is not celebrated in South African Prayer Book) but to some of the people in the congregation who understood its significance it was pushing boundaries.

The use of the coconut, fruit and oil lamp is somewhat parallel to the work that Donovan witnessed among the Masai in Kenya, especially in relation to the custom that they already had with regards to corporate reconciliation and forgiveness. The way in which the Masai deal with disagreement and sin between groups or families is by cooking food for one another. When pacts and covenants between groups are threatened, families for example cook food for each other called endaa sinyati which means holy food. Donovan says; “Then the holy food is eaten by both families, and when its eaten forgiveness comes, and the people say that a new osotua has begun. Osotua is the word for covenant or pact or testament”[6]. The similarity to truths of the Christian faith here are clear. In the same way it was interesting to witness Soobrayans approach to familiar objects in Hinduism and adapting their meaning to a Christ centred message. In the same way Donovan discovered that the Masai use spittle as a symbol of forgiveness between each other. The Masai ask God for the ‘spittle of forgiveness’. Spittle is an African sign, “it was symbolism in which the sign is as real as the thing it signifies”[7]. Donovan goes onto say that forgiveness comes with great jubilation and celebration and points out that “the sign effects what it signifies”. He underlines this by saying, “The spittle was not just a sign of forgiveness it was forgiveness”[8]. The power of sign and symbol is remarkable and as a fairly ignorant low church evangelical I learned much in the way of the use of sign and symbol during his time in Lenasia. The symbols were so powerful that they were easily understood by average people alongside Soobrayan’s clear explanations of what they signified.

[1] Explanations for the Indianised Christian worship of Krist Puja Rev Kumeran Soobrayan

[2] ibid

[3] Newbigin L; The Gospel in a Pluralist Society (Eerdmans Publishing, 1989) pp 141

[4] Extracts from writers SA diary.

[5] Explanations for the Indianised Christian worship of Krist Puja Rev Kumeran Soobrayan

[6] Donovan VJ; Christianity Rediscovered (SCM Press, 1984) pp 61

[7] ibid pp 59

[8] ibid pp 60--Posted by tim to the boat floats at 12/21/2006 09:20:00 AM

blogarchive: letter to sponsors

2006-10-01T15:00:00.001+01:00

Hello supporters and vague interest people

(Firstly apologies, I tried to send this some time ago but it bounced back)

As an attempt at a de-brief, I write to say that I have returned now from my trip. Also, to briefly summarise what I did and to let you know what a great experience I have had. If you have not already had a look you can catch up with my more analytical ‘say it how it happened’ postings and pictures on my blog http://timatvicarfactory.blogspot.com/.

South Africa was a massive experience and I was privileged to witness views of ZA from many different race and religious perspectives.

As part of my studies at Wycliffe I decided to spend 5 weeks with the Diocese of Christ the King in Johannesburg. I spent two weeks with the Indian community in the suburb of Lenasia, set up for Asians under the Group Areas Act by the rule of Apartheid. Here the Anglican Indian community take their strong identity from Anglicanism in order to specifically define themselves as different to their Hindu and Muslim neighbours. I really delved deeply into the cross-cultural thing in Lenasia visiting Hindu temples and Mosques. My host there Rev Reuben Soobrayan, is attempting to reintroduce the culture of Hinduism alongside Christianity as a more authentic and culturally sympathetic (less Eurocentric) form of Indian Christian worship.

I also spent a week with a Methodist minister seconded to the Anglican Church. He oversees the Diocese’s work in the squatter camps such as Vlakfontein and Finetown, south of Jo’burg. Here I met with extreme poverty and witnessed the work that the diocese is doing with HIV/Aids in the camps. I was quite affected by these visits to people in the squatter camps, and this week really helped me to focus on some raw issues and the massive gulf between rich and poor in ZA. I also hung out with a Roman Catholic priest who runs a project for street children in Orange Farm.

I spent a week with the Order of the Holy Paracleat (ie nuns) at St Benedicts House in Rosettenville, a pre-94 white suburb now practically a red light district. I shared my time there with the Province of Southern Africa’s Mothers Union whose representatives were having a conference presided by Bishop Bethlehem of PE. My time here was purposefully quiet and gave me space to focus on what I had already experienced, and also prepared me for next part of my trip to Mozambique. It was good to meet at St Benedicts Sister Pam and Helen Van Koevering, MU president and wife to Mark, Bishop of N. Moz.

I preached twice in DCK, once in Christ the Saviour, Lenasia, and once in St Francis, Walkerville. I also led Bible studies and a service. I did see the global significance of Anglicanism whilst away. This may seem strange for someone training to be ordained into the Anglican Church but in hindsight I don’t think I had really understood it before. There is something quite profound and special about being crammed into a corrugated iron hut church in a squatter camp with 92 people, a bishop and the SA prayer book, knowing that people in London were using the same liturgy.

R & R highlights included playing golf with Bishop Peter Lee, a clergy day trip to a lion and rhino park, a two day trip to Marakele National Park in the North, and an amazing weekend in the middle of nowhere walking, watching game and getting braai’d up.

Mozambique was personally very moving. I volunteered for two weeks at Iris Ministries, an orphanage project for the street children and orphans of Maputo. This in itself is a powerful ministry and has nationally inspired c. 6000 church plants and is led by Heidi and Rolland Baker. I prayed for/with people who were sifting through rubbish on the Boccaria, the city’s rubbish dump. Iris has built a church next to the dump and afterwards during the service I had about 7 children literally hanging off me. For some reason I seemed to attract all the naughty children. With others, I also prayed for people at the city hospital, where many gave their lives to the Lord. And I went to the cells of a police station to pray for people there. I spent a weekend in the bush and preached on Sunday at a church there, evangelised and prayed for the sick throughout the day. There is such openness to Jesus. I was moved by the love of the children in the orphanage, children who possess nothing but the clothes that they are in. They have nothing and so they have Jesus. In many ways I received so much more than I could ever have hoped to have given. A hugely humbling experience and a massive contrast to the Anglicanism of South Africa.

I am not sure in what way I have changed yet but I know that I have. I would like to go back and especially to the north where I made some good contacts. Things are a lot clearer in Mozambique; the irrelevancies of life are more obvious and easier to spot.

So, thank you for all your support and interest. The trip has been hugely inspiring and relevant and will probably prove to be the most impacting part of my training here.

Tim

Tim McGowan
Wycliffe Hall

blogarchive: 3 South Africas in One Day

2006-09-19T12:37:00.001+01:00

Yesterday was a strange day and it is only now that I realise why.

The day started at All Souls, Robertsham (I am camping out in the rectory) where I attended the usual Wednesday morning Eucharist. The church here is beautiful by SA standards and sits in a pre-1994 white suburb. Since the fall of Apartheid the church has been beset with internal squabbles as the blacks and Indian people move in. I call this Wednesday morning tradition the ‘Eucharist club’ frequented by elderly white die hards. It was uneventful although me and my host for the week, Moeketsi had a good laugh at the instructions of when and how to bow and bend ones knee at which particular points in the service. Moeketsi is a Methodist minister, seconded to the Anglican church, camping out at the empty rectory and is spearheading a ministry into the squatter camps (informal settlements) and formal settlements. There is a ‘priests’ job going here if you are into smells, bells, candles, and ‘I am a worm’ chest beating ministries, to a changing and diverse population who are ill at ease with each other.

Later in the morning me and Moek headed out to Vlakfontein to meet the Diocesan Aids worker there. Vlakfontein is a squatter camp with power and numbers on the doors. In other words, as far as I can make out, it is a formalised informal settlement. It has power and toilets and government numbers on the doors of each house shack.

We met firstly Constance and Maggie. I am graciously given their English or ‘Christian’ names to make my life easier (as was the custom under apartheid and before). Maggie’s daughter is dead from Aids and she has to look after her two grandchildren as a result. She can easily obtain from the government R190 (c. £15) for each child monthly. This is the hand out that is encouraging teenage pregnancies here. One 15 year old said on telly the other night that she spends R50 on her daughter and ‘the rest is for her’. Anyway, Maggie tells us that there is a further grant that she can get of R500 (c. £youdothemaths) for each child if she can claim foster parent status. This though she has been told takes 2 years to get. Now, considering our statistic that 60-70% of the informal settlement population is HIV positive there are a lot of grannys looking after their daughters HIV + kids needing the R500 per child that the government has available. I guess the 2 years is a government induced bureaucratic red tape jumble in order to separate the genuines from the scammers. There is a lot of scamming and corruption going on here.

Constance is a rarity as she has the air of a light that is switched on. She is HIV+ but has taken it upon herself to start an after-school club for the kids. The time between after school and parents returning home after work are nightmare hours in the settlements. Like in England this is when a lot of stuff happens, crime etc.. Here in SA, Constance is trying to give the kids something to do and somewhere to go at a time when they are most vulnerable to abuse and rape. I learnt the other day (from a schools counsellor) that the abuse and rape of children is not just carried out by adult men but by kids as well. Because the shacks are so small, and because families often share one bed, kids learn very early on about sex and about its abuse which of course is now ‘normal’ here.

Next was Rose. Rose’s shack burnt down so she is living in this shack with a neighbour who is her carer. There are two beds inside and about 500mm between the two to move about in, and a cooking area behind the door on what looks like a Bunsen burner. Two people live in here and if you strain your eyes you can just about make Rose out sitting down. Rose is very ill and very ill not from HIV but from TB. She is certified at the clinic and on a course of drugs to get better which is good…except she’s not getting better because the drugs she needs are in broken supply. She will start a course of treatment, then have to stop because the drugs are not getting to the clinic. We prayed for her.

I asked Father Moeketsi (everyone is a father out here in SA Anglican tradition), if he is able to tell them about Jesus and what he can do for them. Moek says his ministry, like everyone’s here, it seems, is about Nooma, about getting in there alongside and representing Jesus rather than banging on about him. People are not interested in words and theological theory they are interested in results, in real sustained help. Moek says they are tired and hopeless because they are made so many promises that are broken they give up. There was one lady we met who is from Lesotho who has 5 kids but is unable to get an identity document. She is unable to therefore feed her kids and relies on handouts from her neighbours. Here is the dilemma. She wants the HIV team to get her the Identity documents for her. She cant help herself. The team said ‘no’ on the basis that she has to make the effort herself to get Identity.

You will not see the gospel being thumped here. The atmosphere here is one of eerie quietness that spells out silent deaths and gentle slow suffering. Along with the smell of burning shacks and burning Velt (fields) it has to be witnessed to be believed. This is South Africa. These are people who are recognised by the government as existing. There are many in other camps who do not officially exist, who have no power, no water and no sanitation.

After that we went off to the Mall for a slap up piece of chicken.

Later on, in the hands of my host Moeketsi who didn’t want to cook I found myself at Gold Reef City Casino where Moek was hoping we could eat. This is my diary entry…

“Tonight, Moeketsi took me to Gold Reef City Casino. I don’t know why we were supposed to be going to a Spur Steakhouse in Southgate Mall. Gold Reef City made me feel physically sick as I stood watching in a daze, hundreds of predominantly white trash working class fat people stuffing ‘one armed bandit’ machines with coins. There was a vibe in the place. The kind of sickening murmuring vibe you might get in a porn shop. The great deception. Sol Kerzner creating an artificial fantasy environment in which to facilitate humanity’s desire to deceive themselves and allow themselves the luxury of a harmless addiction. Of course, why not? They have worked hard all week to blow all their wages in his machines. I made Moeketsi leave. I don’t know what sickened me the most today? Was it seeing hundreds of fat white people looking so hopeless and unhappy (noone smiles when they gamble) stuffing machines with their money, or Rose who is dying of TB, or Maggie who is looking after her dead daughters two kids? Or was it a generation of elderly whites desperately holding onto the old school traditions that give them structure and meaning in a chaotic society”.

There is a slogan/logo here that says ‘Proud to be South African’. Having seen what I have seen in SA I am struggling to be proud about being a human being let alone worrying about nationality I am. So far, I have been shown here oppression, poverty, fear, degradation, hopelessness, corruption, crime, dirt, disrespect, and a meaningless grasp of who God is and what he could do. People live in fear like animals in cages surrounding their homes with barbed wire and live in fear of stopping at traffic lights. I have heard of 3 Roman Catholic priests who have been murdered at Orange Farm. My host has been hijacked recently with a gun to his head with his collar on and made to pray for his life face down on the tarmac at traffic lights. My previous host has recently survived an attempted hijack. Fear is great business here. I am simply reporting on what I have seen and witnessed with my own eyes and what my hosts have decided to show me and tell me. I currently fail to see what is so amazing about SA. I see a government building stadiums in a panic that the World Cup might be taken away from them and given to Australia who is on stand by. What if the government was given a deadline on poverty? Would it act in a sustainable way?

I have been here 2 and a half weeks. I am hoping that in the next two and half weeks I will be shown hope. I hope that I will be shown progress that is real and sustainable, I desperate to see humanity here. Moek says, in relation to the camps, that if one part of the body is sick then the whole body is sick. SA is very sick. So, I saw yesterday 3 South Africas, and where I saw the most life was in the camps. People contemplating their deaths and other peoples deaths were strangely more alive than the gormless gamblers in Kerzners place. Maybe that is where the hope is?